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“I think I know what you mean,” I replied slowly, thinking back to my brunch with the girls. “Tash asked me what life was like with Seb, and I avoided saying anything that would sound like a complaint. I didn’t want to add to the anxiety she alreadyfeels about becoming a mother, and I didn’t want anyone at the table to think I wasn’t happy.”
Mama’s hand stroked my arm again, and her expression grew sombre. “Butareyou happy, Abigail?”
Lori watched me with expectation, too, as though the question was asking more than what was said on the surface.
“I’m tired,” I admitted. “Really tired. And it’s hard to eat well when Seb’s schedule is so unpredictable. I’m not usually bothered by mess, but it’s impossible to get on top of things in this small space.” I looked around the room again, marvelling at how quickly these two must have worked to put it into order. “Having it all tidied now is a huge relief. Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“It’s what we’re here for,” Lori replied.
Mama nodded in agreement. “Please let us help. Wewantto help, not only because you and Will are our children, and we want to support you, but we adore this little boy, and it makes us happy to spend time with him.”
Unease fluttered low in my stomach. I didn’t want to betray my boyfriend’s trust by accepting their help without his approval, but I was suddenly certain that letting our family help us was the right thing to do.
“Will’s pretty determined to do this on his own,” I said carefully, watching Lori’s reaction and taking care not to give offense. “He wants to be a good dad, but he thinks the only way to do that is by proving how responsible and committed he is to Seb.”
Lori nodded, and I thought I saw regret in her eyes. “I understand, and maybe this is another one of those things I wish I’d done better. Thank you for mentioning it. I’ll talk to him.”
“At the right time,” I added clumsily, then dropped my head into my hands with a groan. “I’m too tired to know if I’ve overstepped here.”
Lori rubbed my shoulder. “You haven’t overstepped. You’ve done what any loving partner would do, and you’re looking out for my son. Thank you.”
I lifted my head to give her a grateful smile, and Lori cocked her head. She had a contemplative look on her face. “Maybe things would be better if you moved back to your apartment or at least spent some of your nights there instead of here. I could stay here with Seb or take him to my place, and that way—”
“No!” Lori raised her eyebrows in surprise, and I lowered my voice. Fatigue made it difficult to keep my emotions in check, and I didn’t like the reminder that I didn’t live with Will and Seb at the loft. I hated knowing that none of this was mine. “I mean, I can’t. It’s not ready yet. Plus, the Valentine’s Day in Valentine Bay Festival starts in a couple of days, and the tournament is this weekend. It’s not the right time for me to leave, even if it was possible. So, I’ll stay.”
“Oh, well, in that case, we’ll just make the best of the way things are.”
Way to go, idiot. Nothing says “believe me” quite like incoherent rambling.
Mama squeezed my arm. “But Abigail, sweetheart, you didn’t tell us if you’re happy, and I need to know you’re okay. No matter how old you are, I’ll always worry. That’s just what mothers do.”
I set my hand over hers, and even though I could have put my head on the table and fallen asleep right then and there, I gave her a reassuring smile. Because, yes, I was happy. I adored this baby. I was in love with Will. And even now, feeling like I’d been washed and hung out to dry, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. And that was starting to scare me.
“Yes, Mama. I’m okay. Tired and hungry but okay. And, yes, I’m happy.”
She patted my arm once and nodded sharply. “Good. Now finish your meal and head up to bed. You’re dead on your feet, and you need your rest.”
“But—”
“No buts,” Lori interrupted. “Nancy and I can take care of Seb for one afternoon. In fact, I think we insist.”
Twenty minutes later, I was passed out in the bed I shared with Will, but not before wondering if I’d ever forgive myself for letting Seb down so spectacularly the last few days, then offering him a silent promise that tomorrow I’d do better.
39
Will
I was a dickfor agreeing to go to Sydney.
I’d met Jason in the city early in the morning. He took me to breakfast, and then we spent hours meeting with prospective suppliers and inspecting equipment lines. I’d been so absorbed by our discussions and exhilarated by his enthusiasm for The Stop and the new brewery I didn’t even realise that when I silenced the incessant social media notifications by switching my phone to thedo not disturbsetting, I blocked incoming call and text alerts as well.
I’m ashamed to admit that I was so wrapped up in my own world that I didn’t think to check in with Abbie until I was in my car on the way home. I slipped into the driver’s seat and pulled out my phone, and her four missed calls catapulted my heart straight into my throat. I phoned her immediately, my pulse racing, and as I waited for her to answer, my thoughts drifted to my dad. I’d disappeared, just like him. I’d prioritised the wrong thing, the way he used to. I messed up the way he said I would.
I only took a breath when she answered on the fourth ring and reassured me that she was okay and Seb was safe and well. But I could tell everything was not okay. She sounded so wrecked that it was an effort to stick to the freeway speed limits in my rush to get to her.
To occupy my mind on the long drive, I tried to focus on the information Abbie gave me before we ended the call. Seb was teething, she said, which explained why he’d been unable to sleep or eat for days, but she didn’t know he was in extreme pain until she’d broken down and asked our mothers for help. And as much as Abbie wanted to beat herself up about not figuring it out sooner—and on her own—I shouldered a hundred times more guilt.
I’d worried for days that something wasn’t right with him, but I’d pushed aside my instincts because I was too busy dealing with the stress of the tournament. Then I’d prioritised my meeting with the investor instead of staying home with Abbie, which was where I needed to be. The only consolation was there was nothing seriously wrong with my kid… but what if there had been? I’d spent the better part of a day distracted to the point of negligence, and I couldn’t stop thinking about thewhat-ifs. What if Abbie had been calling about a real emergency? What if I wasn’t there for her or my baby when they needed me?What if… What if… What if…The thoughts made me nauseous.
