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I could count on one hand the amount of times I’d held a baby. I could also count on the same hand the number of minutes they’d been happy in my arms. Apprehensively, I slipped my hands underneath Seb’s soft body—under his bottom, around his head—then stood up and snuggled him awkwardly against my chest. He twisted his face and wiped a wet stripe of something over my shirt, but the crying stopped.
I looked at Abbie, who watched me with something that might have been fascination, but then she shook her head and read from a sheet of paper.
“Looks like he’s due for a bottle soon, and he’ll also need to be changed. Then he needs a nap.” Abbie looked around at my tiny loft with barely room to swing a cat. “He’s going to need a bed, Will. There’s some formula in here, but you’ll need more soon. Same goes for the nappies.” She plucked a plastic rattle from somewhere inside the enormous tote bag and shook it in Seb’s face. He reached for it and stuck one end straight in his mouth. “Doesn’t look like there’s a list of supplies in here, but I’m sure we can Google it.”
My chin jerked up. “We?”
Abbie released a dramatic, put-upon sigh. “Yes, we, unless you missed the part about me moving in?”
I hadn’t missed it, but it hadn’t really sunk in either. Now, I latched onto it like a lifeline. “You’re serious?”
She rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes.” Her chin dropped, and her honey-brown eyes were sincere. “I’m here for you, like always, and I want to help if you’ll let me.”
I glanced down at Seb with my first little flare of hope. I’d take care of him by myself if I had to—I’d made that decision, and nothing would change my mind—but I’d be a lot less freaked out if Abbie were around to keep me from making too many mistakes. I didn’t have to do this alone.
Thank fuck.
I tried to sound cool about it. “Yeah, sure. Of course, you can stay.”
“Good.” Abbie retrieved a baby bottle full of water from the bag, followed by a can of baby formula. She took them to the kitchen, set them down, and opened both lids. “Where am I going to sleep?”
“Huh?” Seb started to fuss, twisting and arching in ways that made holding onto him feel like wrestling an eel. It took all my concentration to not drop him, and I started to sweat again. Could I hold himtootightly? I didn’t want to lose my grip, but I didn’t want to squash the little guy either.
“Sleeping arrangements?” Abbie tipped four plastic scoops of formula into the bottle of water, returned the cap, and shook it up before running it under a flow of hot water from the tap.
I watched in confused relief as Abbie dried off the bottle and handed it to me. Seb twisted towards it and opened his mouth, snuffling at the air like he could smell the milk.
“How did you know how to do that?” I asked as I dropped back onto the couch.
“It was in the notes.”
I pretended not to notice how Abbie watched me with a tilt to her lips as I self-consciously arranged Seb in the crook of my arm and plugged his cries with the rubber teat. The complaints cut off immediately, thank Christ, and the little sucking noises he made were… kind of cute.
Abbie nodded to the half-open door of the spare bedroom. “I’m guessing you’ll make that the baby’s room, right?”
As Seb snuggled in against my chest, I frowned at the small room, barely more than a glorified cupboard. I hadn’t used anything stored in there in over two years, and I’d been meaning to clean it out. Safe to say almost all of it was destined for the garbage heap. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“That leaves your bed and the sofa,” Abbie added.
I flashed her the type of suggestive grin that made lesser women giggle, and Abigail Ellison narrow her eyes. “Not going to happen, babe,” she said.
No surprise there. I propositioned her all the time—joking, of course, so she couldn’t see how badly I wanted her—but Abbie was too good for me, and we both knew it.
“Guess I’m on the sofa, as always,babe.”
I reclined onto the couch as Abbie pursed her lips and leaned her hip against the dining table. “This vibe… It looks good on you.”
I tucked Seb closer to my body and leaned forward a little so he could latch onto the collar of my T-shirt. He was soft and warm, and his wide blue eyes stared up at me in a way that made it difficult to look away. “What vibe is that?”
She laughed and pushed upright, turning to dig through the baby’s bag. “Responsibility.”
I winced.Ouch. It was a good thing Abbie had her back to me, so I didn’t have to hide how deep that cut.
Abbie spun back to me with a small waterproof mat in her hand. “The manual says we should change him after his bottle, then he’s supposed to sleep, but perhaps we should go shopping for a few basics.”
Seb had drained the last mouthful of milk, and he grinned up at me around the plastic teat. There was so much trust in his eyes—so much innocence and faith, not a trace of fear—and it struck me that this little person was entirely dependent on me for everything. Food, shelter, safety, and stability. Love. The firstfew were things I could research and learn how to do right. The last one, however… If the way my heart already felt too large for my chest was any indication, the love part was out of my control.
“Shopping,” I agreed absently until I registered what that meant. My head jerked up. “You mean, taking him outside?”
