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Demir smiled because that was as good to him as hearing the words. He could wait for when Wolf was ready, but he knew the commitment was already there. Silence reined between the two before Demir spoke again.
“You once asked me about my first love,” he said.
“Yeah, and it seemed like a sore subject. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”
“I want you to know this about me, Wolf.” Demir sat up so he could look his man in the eyes.
“I'm listening,” Wolf said, giving Demir his full attention.
“When I was four years old, my parents sold me for money to feed my other siblings. I was the youngest and they could no longer afford to take care of me.”
“Jesus,” Wolf said, a deep frown on his face. “I'm sorry.”
“Not your fault. You don't need to apologize. Unfortunately, it's the circumstance many face when one lives in poverty. Anyway, that's how I ended up in the organization where I learned my skills. We were paired up and encouraged to depend on our partner. Hassan and I were the best of friends, then as we grew older, we became lovers. I loved him completely.” Demir paused as those memories came rushing back to him and along with it, all of the emotions he'd shut off.
“If it's too painful...” Wolf said.
Demir shook his head. “I want you to know, Makade-Ma'iingan.”
Wolf nodded and remained silent.
“Hassan and I did everything together. He made being in that environment tolerable. We trained from sunrise to sunset every day. We honed our bodies and minds to be lethal weapons. We learned multiple languages as well as chemistry, as poisons were another weapon at our disposal. At sixteen, it was our ultimate test, to put everything we'd learn into achieving our goal. We were taken into the training woods and separated by the teams we'd originally been paired off with. Only this time, we were told that our targets were our team members and that unlike before, real weapons would be used. If neither member could defeat the other, then they'd both die as they would have failed the test.”
“Oh my god,” Wolf gasped and sat up. He took Demir into his arms. “I'm so sorry, baby, that you had to go through that. And fuck, at sixteen.”
Demir nodded. “Sixteen wasn't the same for me as it was for normal teens.”
Wolf sighed. “Yeah, I guess not. You were never allowed to be a kid.”
“We had moments of levity, but I came to find out that day, it was only allowed so we could grow closer to our future targets,” Demir said.
“They left you no choice.” Wolf cursed under his breath.
Demir nodded. “I was always the better of us between Hassan and I. I didn't want to do it at first, but they put a knife to my throat. Threatened me and said I'd die where I stood if I refused the final test.” Demir could feel his heart constricting as the memories of that day flooded back in along with the pain. He coughed and swallowed to fight back the tears he’d thought had dried up so long ago.
Wolf stroked Demir’s long hair and kissed his temple. “You don't have to go into detail, baby.” He could see the trauma in Demir’s weary gaze and wished he could take it all away.
Demir shook his head. “I won't, I can't. I still remember how his blood felt on my hands, dripping from my fingers. He was my everything and yet, I had killed him.”
Wolf pulled back a little so that their eyes met. “It was either him or both of you. Did he try to take you out?”
Demir nodded. “We were terrified, but we fought.”
“Sick ass motherfuckers, to put you through that,” Wolf snarled.
“It was to prove that if we could kill the person that meant the world to us, the one person who we loved more than anything... then we could kill anyone. Woman, child, man, it didn’t matter. I thought I'd never feel that kind of love again. That kind of connection that I had with Hassan... then I met you,” Demir said. He opened himself to Wolf and felt completely vulnerable, so much so, his body shook.
“Shhh, baby, I've got you,” Wolf said as he held Demir closer. He wanted to protect him from that pain. It was still too raw for Demir, even though it happened years ago. He could hear the agony in Demir's voice when he spoke.
“I just wanted you to know that when I say I love you, how much strength it took for me to admit it,” Demir said. “And just how special you are to me.”
Wolf kissed him again. “I promise, I'll never take you for granted. I'll never betray you, baby.”
That was good enough for Demir. “I'll hold you to that.” He smiled.
Wolf nodded, then kissed him again. “I want to go back and kill those sons of bitches who put you through that,” he growled.
“Oh, I did.”
