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“Oh. Hi.” He snaps back. “What you doing?”
“Yeah, Hi.” I say sheepishly. Suddenly all my courage and resolve has drained away. “I am trying to knock on your door… to ask you if you are still willing to take me to your friend in Spearfish?”
“Oh.” He steps back to let me walk in. “Come on in. I’ll give Ryan a call and see if he’s in today.”
“Okay.” I say with concern as if he just offered me an ice cream and asked me to help him search for his puppy. Trepidatiously I enter his home. It’s surprisingly neat as an amish deacon’s cabin. Bare-bones furnishing, minimal wall decor, wood floors, and no throw rugs. It feels… sterile.
“You do live here, right?” I blurt out before my mother’s pounded-in-manners has a chance to really kick in. “I mean, it just looks so clean.”
He chuckles. “Yes, I really live here. But I work a lot, so I seldom do more than shower, change clothes and sleep.”
“Really?” I cock my head back. “Seems like you’re always home.” Whether I want you to be or not. I think to myself but don’t dare say.
He harrumphs. “That’s because I want it to look that way.” He waggles his eyebrows like he’s just shared some tantalizing secret.
“But… you always show up when I least expect.”
“Yeah, that’s just dumb luck.” He grins as he lifts his phone from the white marble countertop and thumbs a message.
A moment later, his phone rings in a “swoosh” ringtone that I recognize from when I set up my phone. Did he and this Ryan guy play basketball and therefore the ball-through-the-hoop sound applied to his text message?
“Okay, he’s there. Want to go now?” He asks me.
“Sure.” I say before I chicken out for the umpteenth time.
It’s a thirty-minute drive to Spearfish in the enclosed cab of his Gladiator Jeep truck. I plan to fill the time with small talk, the weather, and other nonsense, but, no, Blaze blows my plan the minute his tires hit the blacktop of Williams Street.
“So… about the other night…” He glances toward me sheepishly.
Oh, God! Not this! Not the, “I didn’t know what I was doing,” speech. I wanted to slap my head into my hand. Instead, I stared at the road ahead of us, wishing I had a cloak of invisibility.
“I-um, I’m not sorry,” he blurts out as if he had been holding his breath.
My head snaps up. Did I hear him right? “Do you mean that?”
“Yeah?” His fingers plow into his thick, blond hair sprinkled with a hint of graying. He turns stormy greenish-brown eyes on me like a lighthouse. “Is that alright?”
A smile quivers on my mouth. Is he kidding? I cannot start a relationship with him! He’s a detective for goodness sake. If he knew what I do—where I go when I need money… he’d ruin everything for me. Guys like Big Mike don’t take kindly to being ratted out.
“I don’t know.” I say honestly. “I’m just not ready for another relationship.” Now I’m lying. I’d love to have a good relationship with a good man. Blaze seems like a good man. He certainly is easy on my eyes. The thought of knowing his touch, waking beside him every morning, holding his hand and knowing I am truly loved. I could really handle that. Right here and right now.
But his job and my dirty little secret don’t mesh.
He casts a weary smile toward me. “I understand. We don’t have to rush into anything. As long as I know you are okaywith it, I’d like to explore… this.” He points between the two of us.
I stare straight ahead. What should I say? The devil on my left shoulder giggles. The angel on my right starts crying. I know it is wrong to give him false hope.
“I… just… don’t know.” I say at last.
He pulls into the Junek dealership. “I can live with that.”
Oh crap! So much for not giving him false hope. I exhale a heavy, regretful sigh and follow him inside.
Ryan is younger than I expected. Tall, with a high and tight haircut, close trimmed beard, he looks like he’s barely in his thirties. His brown hair has not one hint of greying. Either he’s blessed with a youthful appearance, or he’s really that young. Blaze introduces us, and Ryan shakes the soup out of me when we shake hands. I think my teeth rattled. “Let’s find the perfect next car for you.” He says and leads the way to his showroom. “Blaze tells me you’ve got a beloved older model Kia to trade.”
I nod. “Maybe.”
“I see. We can certainly work with that.”
