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“Business. Right.”
The first prickle behind her eyes had her frantically searching for the nearest escape. She couldn’t cry, wouldn’t cry, and she’d be damned if she showed him he had the power to make her cry.
“You better go and take care of business.” She turned on her heel and walked away, head held high, ignoring the impulse to hike her skirt and make a run for the welcome seclusion of her cabin.
This is what happened when she stepped out of her comfort zone, when she tried to be someone she wasn’t; an awful, unmitigated disaster that would take her a lifetime to recover from.
She’d tried to make a big statement. Well, she’d done that all right. Pity Zac wasn’t interested in reading the signs, hearing what she had to say, or anything else.
She bit her top lip to stop the sobs bubbling up from deep inside, hating the taste of the lipstick, wishing she could swipe a forearm across her mouth and wipe it off. But she was already drawing curious glances from passengers strolling the deck and she had a reputation to uphold even though her instructor contract would be fulfilled tomorrow.
Crazy, that even with how devastated she was feeling, she couldn’t shrug her responsible work ethic, and the thought of returning to the museum next week, with sadness in her heart and no charming smiles from a suave sailor to brighten her days, a lone tear seeped out the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek.
Picking up the pace, she ran for her cabin, wishing she could run from the mess she’d made with Zac as easily.
* * *
Zac clenchedhis fists and shoved them deep into his pockets, torn between wanting to chase after Lana and jumping overboard.
Both options held the same danger: he’d be floundering way out of his depth.
He’d deliberately driven her away.
He’d seen the hurt in her eyes, in the tremble of her lip, and he’d felt lower than a sea anemone. But what choice did he have?
He’d planned on telling her the truth tonight, about exploring their relationship further after this cruise, but he couldn’t do it now. Her little bombshell put paid to that.
As if the dramatic change in her appearance hadn’t already set him on guard, the truth behind her move to Sydney sealed it.
She was a woman seeking change, a woman dissatisfied with her current life, a woman searching for something new.
A woman like Magda.
He’d survived losing Magda, had lived through the pain of seeing her change before his eyes, had hidden the devastation when she’d walked out on him in search of more than he could give.
It had taken him years to figure out they never would’ve worked even if he hadn’t gone back to shipping. Magda had been needy, demanding all his attention, wanting to be the focus of his world. Their initial attraction had been powerful, all-consuming, and he’d mistaken it for love, had given up his career for her temporarily, would’ve done anything she asked in those heady honeymoon months.
But his folly cost him dearly, had nearly killed his uncle, exactly why he couldn’t let Jimmy down now.
Though maybe he was being a tad harsh? Lana was nothing like Magda. She didn’t demand to be noticed; in fact, the opposite. It had been her lack of artifice that had first drawn him to her, her natural vivacity a refreshing change.
Everything in his life was fake, all about ‘show’ for the passengers, yet Lana was real, so real he could hardly believe it. He felt good when he was with her, felt like his life wasn’t a sham, especially with the current subterfuge driving him to distraction.
He wanted to feel that good all the time, wanted to cement their relationship and take it as far as it could possibly go. And after what he’d just learned, she had a fulfilling career of her own, a job needing her attention during those long months when he wasn’t around if he took a chance on a relationship.
But should he? After tonight’s metamorphosis, after what he’d learned, he’d be a fool ten times over to contemplate taking their relationship further. She was hellbent on trying new things, on boosting her confidence. What if he was just part of her quest?
She’d seemed so natural, so unaffected, so real, but did he really know her at all?
Unexpected pain, deep and raw, gnawed at his gut at the thought of not seeing her every day, not hearing her quick comebacks or her gentle teasing.
He’d grown to love the way her eyes lit up when she saw him, the way her lips curled at the corners when she was thinking, the way she blushed when his teasing hit too close to the mark.
Grown to love?
Hell no. He couldn’t love her.
He wanted to test the waters with her, see if they could have a long-distance relationship without the complications of love and need and expectation.
