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I should keep a record of the wreckage in my life, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. As the night slips by, I think about how far I could go on this one tank of gas. Is this the day I’ll be brave enough to keep driving and never come back?
The Dolces wouldn’t stop me. They’re done with me.
What do I have to go back to?
Everything I’ve built is gone.
Everyone knows the truth now. That I’m a twisted, terrible thing like Colt Darling, but worse, because I committed the unforgiveable sin of surviving while female. Maybe they could sympathize or at least pity me if I was used against my will. If I was a victim.
But they all saw me make the choice to join the Dolces instead of fighting them. It’s permissible for the Dolce boys to use my body, my beauty, my face for status. They’re kings, after all. If that’s what they value, they can make it into currency like gold. But for a girl to use those things to her own advantage is deplorable, despicable, the cowardly act of an opportunistic whore.
For over two years, I’ve done their dance, never missing a step, to prove to them I was useful.
For this whole year, I’ve fought for Rylan, for something I didn’t even really want, to prove to him that I was worthy.
But all I proved—to all of them, to Rylan, and to myself—is that I’m not.
The nights of lying under him, letting him use me, are gone. They were all for nothing.
The year of being pulled under Royal, of teaching myself to feel nothing, to be empty while he filled me with his rage, was for nothing.
Every day that I painted my face and smiled, made fake friends and empty enemies, drank nothing but water to fit into my uniform—meaningless.
The months of waiting in paralyzing fear for someone to find out about Colt; of parading around school listening to whispers behind my back; of living in a state of constant dread knowing the twins would call me to their beds again… It was all for nothing.
Every single move I’ve made in the last three years was erased in a single sweep of Baron’s hand. And Duke, who likes to be held like a child and give pleasure instead of pain, who’s told me secrets that I kept like they were my own, the very best one, didn’t lift a finger to stop him. He was happy to participate in my downfall.
I expected nothing less.
Those betrayals don’t hurt. They were just doing what every man in my life has done—used me, hurt me, or disappointed me. Dad ruined our lives with his greed. My brother didn’t protect us from his own friends. The Dolce boys are monsters. Colt made sure I knew that I was nothing to him. Even Rylan, whose pure love always gave me hope, turned out to be more villain than hero.
The ones that took me by surprise were the girls. I’m not delusional enough to think all girls would have my back, that we’d stick together by some girl code, the way boys do for the bro code. Half the girls in school would put a knife in my back if given half a chance. I didn’t expect loyalty from the other girls on the cheer squad and dance team. I never risked myself for them, so why should they do it for me?
But my own sisters turned their backs and joined the Dolces.
And then there’s Dixie.
I’ve always seen her as a threat, but I never knew just how vicious she could be. I knew she wasn’t just harmless and annoying, the way my sisters thought. Her blog has always made her dangerous, giving her the power of invincibility, something that even a queen doesn’t have. Knowing she’d be a formidable opponent, I’ve made sure not to get on her bad side.
We were at least friendly, if not friends. Sure, I hated her for getting Colt while I had to endure the Dolce boys, but by the time I realized Colt was something worth envying, I’d lost him. Dixie refused to lose him. Even though he dumped her after we hooked up, she stuck by him for all of last year, after he almost died. She didn’t move on the way she could have. No one would have blamed her. But she knew what she had, knew he was worth fighting for, and she wasn’t about to let him go.
I don’t know how she found out, but she must have. There’s nothing else that would have made her come for me that hard, not to mention the line about me fucking even the lowest of the low.She knows.
She knows, and she wanted me to know it.
Other people may not have read between the lines to realize she was talking about Colt. They just think she was saying I’m a whore with no standards. But she knew my guilty conscience wouldn’t be able to miss it. She wants me to know that’s why she destroyed me so thoroughly. She wants me to know what game we were playing, and that she won.
And she did.
I should be impressed, but I know it spells the end for me, and I’m too devastated to admire her brutality.
What happens tomorrow at school? How bad will it be for me? I’ve seen how they treat Colt, who did nothing wrong. I did everything wrong. It’s all crashing down around me, and not even my sisters had my back. The only person in my corner is Harper, and thank fucking god for that.
The thought of my sisters brings tears to my eyes and finally has me turning the Mustang around. What if the fallout hurts them too? Even after they walked away, I can’t let that happen, not when it’s my mess. I can’t leave them to clean it up. The Dolces might let them take the fall with me. Everyone knows we stuck together, that we did everything together. I can’t bear the thought of them being tormented at school, called sluts, and worse. If I’m not there to take the blame, will people remember that and turn on them? Dixie’s blog only mentioned me. If I can keep the focus on me, maybe my sisters will escape the worst of it. After all, they went along with the crowd when it turned on me.
By the time I get home, I’m calm. I have purpose. I have to protect my sisters in any way I can, even if it means taking the hits for them. I’ll do it. I’ll be the whipping girl at school if it keeps them from the same fate.
I climb out of the car and finally look at my phone. I have a message from Baron that stops my heart.
