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No matter how bad Mom got after she picked up the bottle, at least she didn’t gamble her daughter in a bet. I’m not going to do it just to look cool in front of a bunch of high roller assholes.
“That’s what they all say when they get their coin,” Colin says, cracking a grin. “But when you’re in the heat of things, 25K down, and you think this is going to be the hand where your luck finally changes…”
“Not a gambler,” I cut in.
“Too bad,” he says. “Your sister’s hot. She a virgin?”
“Leave my fucking sister alone,” I growl.
“Alright,” he says, lifting both hands. “Not like you don’t gamble with her already.”
“I don’t,” I snap.
“She at home tonight?” he asks. “Who’s watching her?”
“She’s not a kid,” I say, my stomach twisting. “She doesn’t need to be watched.”
Colin laughs and shakes his head. “You left her alone in a house with two men, one of whom likes to fuck girls in their sleep. Sounds like gambling to me.”
“She’s not alone,” I point out. “Mom’s there.”
“Want to see my uncle’s studio?” he asks. “We could play a little. That might take your mind off your dick for a few minutes.”
I’m too annoyed by the accuracy of his accusations to be excited about seeing the music studio at his uncle’s that I’ve been dying to see. He’s right. I’ve been so caught up in making Gloria pay for her crimes that I took my eye off Amber and the crimes my stepfamily might be committing against her. I know Mom won’t save her. By now she’s probably washed her handful of pills down with a handful of martinis and passed out, leaving Mr. Montgomery and his son alone with her daughter.
I could tell Colin to turn around and bring me home. He probably would. If not, I have Mr. Montgomery’s credit card, one I’m allowed to use any time I want, for whatever I want, no questions asked. It even has my name on it. I could call a ride share to pick me up.
But then I’d have to see the lights on upstairs in the house next door, have to see the look Gloria gave me as I left her room earlier, the sick, stricken expression in her eyes, the utter devastation on her pretty face. I wouldn’t be able to resist holding up the binoculars to watch her cry in her room. I’d tell myself I’m happy about it, because if I’m not happy then I just broke her heart for nothing.
And I’d have to force myself not to swing my view to the window next to hers, where her twin sisters are probably talking about me. I’d have to feel whatever I’m going to feel about them after this, think about them taking turns riding my dick, remember what they looked like naked on top of me.
It feels like a dream, something that can’t be real. I’d never do something like that. I’ve never wanted anyone but Gloria.
And now I’ve fucked someone else. Two people. Her sisters. I didn’t even wear a condom.
It wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t something I did just to look cool in front of the psycho Dolce boys and their stupid friends. I made Gloria pay, just like I wanted, and I’m not sorry.
I open my mouth to tell Colin to turn around, but before I can, a text comes through on my phone. Like a fucking simp, I see her name and I nearly drop my phone in my rush to open the text, to see what she has to say, how devastated she is. If she’s as devastated as she made me, we can start from here, on a level playing field, and build back what we both destroyed. I won’t hate her for wrecking everything because I did my part now too, and I’m not the only one who wants it back. Maybe she’ll make the apology she didn’t get a chance to make at school, tell me it’s not true. She’ll have proof she never fucked anyone, and I’ll trust her again.
Maybe she’s finally broken and begging for me to love her again, to want her again, and she’ll do anything to make it happen. She’ll get down on her knees and worship me for the rest of her life instead of the Dolces.
But when I read the text, my blood turns to cement in my veins.
I can never love you again…We’re done. Forever.
I read the text over and over, disbelief making me stupid. I can’t believe it. She doesn’t want me back. She’s done with me. She hates me as much as I hate her. I should be happy about that because it means I hurt her as much as she hurt me.
But I’m not happy. I’m fucking furious.
I want to fuck her sisters all over again, to make sure she really saw it and Cotton didn’t let her hide her eyes. Didn’t she see that I moved on, that I’m popular and can fuck anyone I want at the snap of my fingers? Doesn’t she realize she’s a loser now, and no one will want her, while I can pull two hot cheerleaders at once? How can that not make her want me?
And why does her text make me feel even more like I made a huge mistake, like I lost the best girl I’ll ever get, and I’m the one who needs to beg to get her back? She’s the only girl who ever loved me and probably the only one who ever will.
But I can’t think like that. She’s not the prize. I won’t go running back, begging for her love like I used to, being so pathetically grateful that a girl like her would even look at me.
So I tell Colin yes, I’ll go look at his studio, and I pretend I’m not thinking about Gloria, about what it would take to get her back before she moves on like I pretended to. I tell myself I’m not gambling with my sister because she’s a big girl and she can take care of herself, and I can’t always be there to watch her. I have to believe she’ll be okay. If I don’t, I’ll never be able to leave the house, to have my own life, to go away to college next year or do what makes me happy.
Music makes me happy, so I go to Colin’s like we’re friends, like we give a fuck about each other, like it’s more important than the girl I love thinking I don’t love her and saying she’ll never love me and it’s over forever; like it’s more important than my sister being alone with a man who gave me free rein with a credit card like he’s paying me off to look the other way, so he doesn’t feel guilty about the things he does to her when I’m off using it, spending his money, gambling away not just my sister but my soul.
