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I’d promised myself to Rylan. I’d planned to save myself for him no matter how long it took. I loved him. I would have waited all through high school and gone back to him once I graduated. That had been my plan since we fled from Savannah in the night without a goodbye. That’s what had kept me going,knowing that one day, I wouldn’t have to protect my family and keep up appearances. One day, I could be myself again. One day, I’d find the boy I loved and tell him I’d kept my promise, that I’d never loved anyone but him, that I’d waited all those years to give myself to him just like we always planned.
But I’d broken that promise. I was a liar and a slut.
Faint light from the rippling pool undulated over my skin, and I turned back to make sure the stranger was still sleeping. I looked away quickly, not wanting to see more than the square of his jaw. I could see more of myself than I wanted to, and I could only hope that most of the time, when he’d been on top of me, the blanket and his body had blocked the light. When I was on top, I would have been a silhouette. He couldn’t have seen enough to know who I was.
I forced myself not to look closer, not to find out who he was, either. I didn’t want to know. I hated him almost as much as I hated myself.
I tiptoed out of the pool house and closed the door, then texted Dawson to make sure he’d gotten my sisters home. When he said he had, I ran across the lawn and let myself in the back door, praying he wouldn’t be an obnoxious, overbearing big brother tonight. Before he could find me, I raced up the stairs. In the bathroom, I peeled off my clothes and stared at myself in the mirror.
I was no longer a virgin. I should look different, feel different.
My hair was mussed, and my lips were swollen from kisses, my lipstick long gone. My body looked the same, but there was blood smeared on my thighs.
Between them felt raw and wrecked. But inside, I felt nothing.
Turning away from the mirror, I stepped into the tub. I set the water as hot as I could bear and scrubbed my body untilmy skin was red and angry and I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. When the water ran cold, I filled the tub and sank into the icy numbness, curled into the fetal position, and sobbed.
fifteen
Rumor Has It… BREAKING NEWS!!! A pair of star-crossed lovers who disappeared and were presumed dead three years ago are alive! They’ve returned to Faulkner in royal fashion, but will a ring (and a baby carriage!) be enough to unite their warring families?
Gloria Walton
I tense when I hear the unwelcome voice of a girl outside his room, one of those breathy, baby voices that girls use when they’re flirting. For one ridiculous second I think about diving into the closet to hide, but I force myself to stay put, posed on his bed like the queen I once was.
The door swings open, and Duke steps in. He’s clearly just come in from outside, as he’s still wearing a jacket and beanie, his cheeks flushed from the bracing December wind.
“Show me,” cries the little girl clinging to his elbow and jumping up and down next to him. So the little girl voice doesn’t belong to a girl trying to give him some sympathy play after his dad died but an actual little girl, one who doesn’t belong in his rich house with her toes poking through holes in both socks and her hair nothing but split ends.
“Nuh-uh,” Duke says, warding her off. “Not until you guess.”
She crosses her arms and sticks her lower lip out in an exaggerated pout. “That’s not fair. I don’t even know where you went.”
“Gloria,” Duke says, the smile on his face slipping away when he finally sees me. “What are you doing here?”
“You never came back to school, so I came to check on you. You okay?”
He narrows his eyes at me, dragging his beanie off and ruffling his thick, dark mess of hair. He’s right to be suspicious. He helped his brothers design me, and he knows I don’t contain the flaw of sympathy.
Before he can accuse me of ulterior motives, the little girl bounds across the room and throws her arms around my neck. “Mustang Sally,” she crows, her skinny arms hugging me tight. “Don’t worry, I know that’s not really your name, I just call you that because of June Bug. When did you get here? And how come I didn’t see you come in?”
I lower my voice to a conspiratorial tone and cut my eyes to the window. “I snuck in.”
She releases me and throws herself backwards onto the bed, her arms over her head. “I wish I could sleep here forever,” she says. “All the beds are as soft as new pillows. Are your beds this soft?”
“No,” I admit, glancing at Duke, who’s still standing inside the door in his jacket, frowning at us.
“My sister said cheerleaders were mean, but you’re nice,” Olive says, rolling over and coming up on her knees.
“I’m not a cheerleader anymore,” I say, trying not to think about Coach Snow’s disappointed sigh when I handed in my uniform. I think she gets it, though, because she didn’t fight very hard to convince me to stay. She knows she has no more power than I do.
“Don’t you want to know what I got you?” Duke asks, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets.
“Is it for Christmas?” Olive asks, bouncing on her knees. “Is it a baby koala?”
“Better,” Duke says with a triumphant grin. He pulls a little stuffed sloth from his pocket and holds it up. “Now tell me this isn’t cuter than a koala.”
Olive lets out a cry of frustration and slaps her palms down on her thighs. “I said sloths were cute,” she says. “But koalas are still cuter. Don’t you think so, Gloria?”
