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I wave goodbye and watch her drive down the gravel road into the thick fog until she’s gone.
CHAPTER57
IDRIVE BACK TOLA the long way, the pretty way, but not because I want to take in the beauty of the Pacific Coast. I need time to think about what just happened.
She isn’t who I thought she was. She was an addict that got entangled with the wrong guy and family and lost her first daughter due to an addiction.
Yet she still gave herself the grace of a second chance at motherhood. She took that risk. And I’m thankful she did.
I was born, and I was loved. That was my privilege.
How many patients have I encountered in my career who didn’t have that? Most.
Even though she wasn’t perfect, she tried to protect me. That was her legacy. And I will model her and do what I must to protect Sarah, which means being committed to my recovery if Eddie will still allow me to be a part of their lives.
When I get back to LA, I’m going to his house to fight for that chance. Dad gave Mom one despite knowing about her past. He still married and thought she was worthy of becoming a mother again—because she was.
I pray Eddie will feel the same about me. But even if he turns me down, and I hope he won’t with every cell of my being, I know I’ll be okay.
For too long, ED made me believe I wasn’t worthy of being anyone’s mom because of my miscarriage. But he no longer has that power over me. I finally feel deep inside me that I deserve to be someone’s mother.
I’m roughly two hours from LA, nearing the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara, where Eddie and I celebrated our first anniversary a year ago.
My phone vibrates against the cup holder in the car. I glance down at it. A text from Sarah:Hi Beans. I’m near you. Say hi please.
I pull over to the first empty shoulder off the freeway, turn the engine off, and look on the Life360 app. It shows that she and Eddie are at the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara. I guess Eddie took her there. He probably couldn’t get a refund for our anniversary weekend and didn’t want it to go to waste.
I text her back:See you soon.
My mind starts to spin. Does Eddie know she got ahold of his phone again like she did when she texted me in New York? What if he’s angry that she contacted me? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me?
I push those thoughts out of my mind and hop back on the freeway because this is my chance—to make my case about why I’ll be a good mother to Sarah.
I take the first exit ramp to Santa Barbara and drive to the Four Seasons. I pull up in front of the entrance. A valet gives me a parking slip before whisking my car away.
I step inside the hotel, walk toward the outdoor restaurant in the back, and look around, but I don’t see Eddie or Sarah anywhere.
I leave the restaurant and walk toward the ocean. They’re up ahead, standing on a blanket on the sand in front of the water. Eddie smiles at me, which is a relief. I guess he’s not mad about Sarah contacting me.
I start running toward them, and we hug each other. When we pull out of the embrace, he takes both of my handsin his. “I was going to reach out to you this week, but Sarah saw you passing nearby and texted you. We had a chance to visit the hotel’s jewelry store this morning.”
I look at him confused.
He turns to Sarah, “May I have the ring box, please?” he says.
Ring box?
She hands him a small shell box. He opens it, and I see a gold band with a solitaire diamond. He gets down on one knee and turns to me.
“Beatrice Bennet, when I first met you, I knew you’d be the perfect addition to our family because of your kindness. I’ve since learned that you’re also brave. I know you know what’s most important in life and that you’ll always fight to be there for Sarah and me.”
I look at him with tears, grateful for his words, the second chance he’s giving me, and his grace.
“Will you marry me?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say without hesitation.
He smiles widely.
