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“No, I better go,” I say. She takes Louis from my arms and puts the bottle in his mouth. “Thank you for speaking with me,” I say.
“It’s the least I could do,” she says. “I’m not sure I’d be here if it weren’t for your mom.”
“May I use your bathroom before I leave?” I ask.
“Of course,” she says, pointing to a door outside the living room.
When I step inside the bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror, reeling over everything I’ve just learned, especiallyMom’s decision to testify in front of Congress, implicating the Cadells in her opioid addiction, a decision that may have ultimately ripped our family apart.
I can’t understand why she did it. Why didn’t she take Dad’s concerns seriously, as Esther did with her husband? Mom was an intelligent woman who must’ve known the risks it posed, not just to her but also to Dad and me. They fought about it. If she had listened to him, she likely never would’ve had to disappear, and I wouldn’t be here right now.
While it was nice to hear Claire talk about how much Mom helped Esther, what about me? I was Mom’sdaughter. Why didn’t I matter enough for her to make a different choice that might’ve kept our family intact?
In the end, she chose a path that may have been responsible for irreparably altering the course of my life. And now it seems, twenty-six years later, my life has been turned upside down again because of this decision she made decades ago.
I feel the heat in my chest returning. My anger bubbling over. Not just at her but at the hand I’ve been dealt.
Why couldn’t I have had Esther Hermes as my mother, who was honest with her daughter about her struggles with addiction, the one who decided her family’s safety mattered more than testifying in front of Congress? Why am I the daughter left tasked to solve the impossible riddle of what happened to my mom to get my life back?
According to Jay, the Cadells never let past vendettas go, which means they’ve been trying to find her for twenty-six years and won’t stop until they do.
That last thought stops me, because I realize something.
If the Cadells have been searching for Mom since she disappeared twenty-six years ago, I would’ve noticed someone following me long before now, wanting to see if I’ve been in contact with her through the years.
But I didn’t until last week after my car was broken into when I was with Sarah, which means their pursuit of her is new. So why now? Why are they after hernow?
Maybe it has to do with what Claire mentioned about the rumor that the president might unseal Mom’s congressional testimony along with the others. But that doesn’t make sense, because even if she’s alive, it’s not in her power to stop the president from unsealing it.
Maybe there’s something in it. Something she disclosed that they’re nervous about her coming forward with if she’s still alive and her testimony is released to the public. I have to find out what she said in it.
I pull out my cell phone and text Eddie:
My mom’s roommate’s daughter asked me to stay to eat.
Texting Paul now to let him know.
Eddie immediately texts me back:Thanks for the update. Love you.
I text Paul the same lie and tell him to eat lunch without me if he hasn’t already.
I then splash cold water on my face and exit the bathroom. Claire is standing in the hallway in front of the elevator with Louis.
“I know how happy my mom would be about our meeting,” she says. “I’m so glad I had the chance to meet you.”
“Me too,” I say.
The elevator arrives at the penthouse. I step inside, we say our goodbyes, and I ride downstairs to the lobby.
When I leave the building, I do something I’m not proud of. Something I know will not only worry both Eddie and Paul, but something they’d also be dead against me doing. I turn off my cell phone so they can’t track me, and hail the first taxi I see.
“Where ya headed?” a driver with thick black eyebrows asks me.
“Penn Station,” I say.
CHAPTER42
September 2000
