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Chapter 1
Why am I doing this?
I press the send button anyway. It wasn’t even a decision. I knew I was going to do it the moment the thought popped in my head. I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to resist. No matter how hard I try to convince myself not to contact him, it always ends the same way.
The wind rushes through my hair as I lean against the back railing on the party bustrolley we rented for Samantha’s bachelorette party. I squeeze the railing tight to stop myself from wobbling. I’ve lost count of the number of drinks I’ve had tonight. It seems like all the men downtown have been extra generous. Something about me being single and in a bridal party makes them think I’ll be desperate to get laid or something. I mean, I am. But that’s beside the point.
Unfortunately, no amount of alcohol could make me want them. I don’t want any of them. I don’t want anyone but him.
He hasn’t read my message yet, so I re-read it over and over again like that’ll somehow help. Like if I somehow managed to say exactly the right thing, then maybe it would change things. Maybe I could change things.
Me:Max misses you. You should see the look on his poor puppy face when you don’t come home after work. We both miss you.
I swat away a stray tear that escaped my eye, thinking back to the way our neighbor’s dog, Max, would be wagging his cute little tail every time Chris got off work. Sometimes I think he was more excited to see Chris than his own dog daddy. And now he’ll probably never see him again. Neither of us will.
My phone buzzes in my hand. I look down, and my heart races when I see his name pop up on my screen. He doesn’t usually respond anymore.
Chris:Addy… please stop texting me. I’m getting married next month. Please respect that.
Don’t cry, Addison. C’mon, pull yourself together. Pull yourself fucking together.
It’s too late. The tears are already falling from my blurry eyes. I gasp for air with each sob as I lean out over the back railing. I try to wipe the tears away before any of the other girls see, but there’s no way my mascara isn’t smeared down my face, especially with how much eye makeup I put on for tonight. Shit.
“Addy!” Tiff shouts to me as she stumbles the few steps it takes to get to the back of the trolley. “Oh no.” She frowns at me. “What did you do?” My phone is whipped out of my hand before I can stop her. “Addy! What did we talk about?”
I try to give her a sassy response, but my crying voice doesn’t do much for my case. “Always tell you when I have the urge to text him.”
“Tell me when you have the urge to text him!” she shouts right back in my face.
I drop my head down on my arms over the railing. “I know! I know!”
She wraps her arms around my waist from behind. “Oh, Addy… It’s going to get better. I promise.”
I turn around and give her a grateful smile, trying to convince her I’m okay. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I definitely wouldn’t be out on the town tonight. I’d be wallowing in my own self pity for at least the next six months. I’d be stuck alone in my house every night after work with a glass of wine, obsessing over everything that went down between me and Chris. Tiff was there for me while I cried and wallowed for a couple of weeks, but then she started dragging me out with her until it finally started to feel somewhat normal again. I’m glad she did because there’s no way I could have said no to Sam’s bachelorette, and I’m barely surviving this night.
I can tell by the look on Tiff’s face that she’s done giving me any more sympathy for the night. That’s why I love her. She’s there for me when I’m down, but she won’t allow me to stay down there long.
“Who the fuck let Addy be all alone with her phone tonight?” she shouts to all the other girls. They all give disappointed gasps and looks, agreeing with her. What a bunch of bitches. I love them.
“Oh no! Addy!” Tanya scolds.
Samantha joins in. “Addy! What the hell! This is a no boys allowed night!”
I fold my arms over my chest and cock an eyebrow at her. “Really, Sam? No boys? Not even the ones at that last clu-.”
Tiff cuts me off. “Strangers don’t count. In fact, I think that’s exactly what we need to fix this downer you created back into a party!”
The girls all squeal their agreement as another round of shots is poured followed by some heavy flirting with all the various men on the street as we drive through the middle of downtown. Although, I’d hardly call this driving. I could probably run faster than this thing is moving. Well, not right now, but that’s only because I’ve consumed so much alcohol that I’ve almost been able to put Chris out of my mind. Almost.
Sam stumbles over to Tiff and I with a bottle of champagne in her hand. “Oh my God, guys! I’m getting married!”
I do my best to hide my sadness and be a good sport for her. I can’t make this night about me, but all the talk about the wedding keeps reminding me about Chris getting married next month. Married to someone else who’s not me. Fuck, this hurts.
I raise the plastic champagne glass filled with alcohol that I definitely don’t need. “To your last weekend as a single lady!”
I clink my glass against theirs before tipping back the bubbly liquid, letting the alcohol burn down my chest. I try to lighten my own mood. “You’ve honestly been pretty tame tonight, Sam. When are the strippers going to start cascading down these trolley poles?”
She blushes as she covers her mouth and giggles. “No strippers for me. There’s only one man I want to see naked, and all y'all bitches forbade me from texting him tonight!”
