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“Here,” he whispers, grabbing the hoodie from my hands. “Lift.”
I raise my hands in the air, and he pulls the sweatshirt over my head. It swallows me up. I love the comfort in that.
Declan reaches behind my neck and fixes the hood. He begins to pull his hands back, but he pauses at my face, brushing some hair behind my ear. His eyes soften as he gives me a small smile.
We stay frozen in that position for a moment, breathing in each other’s air. I can’t explain why I don’t pull away. I’m here with Mack. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I must be self sabotaging. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I should walk away. I want to walk away. But I feel sosafe.
“No, I don’t believe in it,” he says, breaking the silence. “A man knows how he feels about a woman before he sleeps with her.”
I give a small smile as I look down to the ground. I know he’s right. I know everything Chris told me was just words, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“The Bulldogs?” I ask, changing the subject to something lighter to avoid getting any deeper with him.
He steps back with a small laugh. “Yeah, it was our highschool mascot. I don’t keep clothes here, just whatever is leftover from when I was living at home.”
“You were this big in highschool?” I ask, flopping my hands that are more than covered by the sleeves.
He laughs as he starts heading out of the closet. “Okay, Miss T-rex, you coming?”
“Yeah,” I say, following behind.
We walk out to the fire together with fresh drinks in our hands. Mack’s eyes flicker over my sweatshirt, but he doesn’t seem to mind that I'm wearing his brother’s hoodie.
“Hey Deckhead! Where you been?”
Declan playfully ruffles Mack’s hair as he walks past. “Why’d you send Addison into my room, fucker? Trying to use your girl to dig up my secrets?”
Mack lifts his hands in defense. “It was an honest mistake.” He leans closer to me, lowering his voice but still loud enough for everyone to hear. “Did you check his top drawer like I asked?”
“Yeah,” I play along. “The only thing I could find was a photo of himself with hearts drawn all over it.”
Declan attempts to not join in the laughter, but his eyes give him away. “And you guys wonder why I didn’t show up until now. It’s because I knew I needed to limit the amount of time spent with you two.”
Mack leans his head to the side. “Aw, Addy, that’s how you know he really loves us both.”
Declan snatches the marshmallows from Mack’s lap. “Give me those,” he says instead of responding.
His eyes meet mine once again though as he falls back in his camping chair. New conversations start all around us, but everyone else fades away as I roast my marshmallow across from him. We drift away into our own little silent moment together.
That same feeling washes over me. A calm. A comfort. The moment is perfect. The cool breeze in contrast with the flames heating my skin. The crackling sound from the fire. The stars twinkling in the night sky. The comfort in knowing there’s no pressure for me to behave a certain way or try to be someone I’m not. And for that, I will always be grateful for Declan. For giving me this moment.
Chapter 11
My body jerks awake in a hot sweat at the sound of the clock that chirps every hour on the hour coming from the living room. My breathing is heavy as I try to calm my racing heart, recalling my dream. I’m not sure if I’m even really awake as my breaths become more and more shallow until I’m almost asleep again. My mind wanders back to my dream. The dream where I was back in that closet with Declan only things were a lot more physical.
I try to fall back asleep into the same dream. I begin to replay the scenario in my head from the beginning, hoping it will pick up where I left off. Back to the good part.
Declan approaches behind me. “What are you doing in my room?”
I turn to him. “Waiting for you.”
His hands grab onto my hips, pulling me up against his chest. “I need to have you.”
“Fuck me,” I whisper. “Please.”
His mouth crashes to mine. His hands wander my body, pinching and grabbing along the way. His tongue explores my mouth. He bites my lips.
