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“Why don’t you just ask Declan to the wedding?” Tiff asks through the phone.
I fall back against my pillow on my bed. “What? Are you crazy?”
“What?” she giggles. “He’s the exact type of buffer you need between you and your mother.”
“Because!” I protest. “I’m already spending more time with him than I should.”
“I don’t see the issue,” she fights back. “Your mom will get off your case and you get a hot date for the wedding. You know wedding hookups are always the best sex. I think they pump love juice into the air or something.”
“That’s the last thing I need. Besides, we haven’t even talked since Wednesday.”
The car ride back from the library was complete silence. I knew I should have driven myself there. Sure, it was mostly because I stared out the window the whole ride in order to avoid having to speak to him, but it’s not like he was saying much either.
He was at our retail locations Thursday and Friday, so I didn’t see him in the office. I pull my phone away from my face for a moment to check if there are any messages, but still nothing.
“Yeah, because you keep telling the guy to fuck off and then run away from him. Text him right now. I guarantee he will respond.”
“If I’m that desperate when it comes down to it, I’ll just ask him at the office next week. There’s no need to reach out to him this weekend.”
I grab a pillow and clutch it against my chest. I’m not going to lie and say it isn’t bothering me that he hasn’t tried to reach out at all since Wednesday, but Tiff is right. Why would he? I’m awful to him. And besides, I don’t even want him to. What would be the point?
“Food’s here!” I hear Ken call out to Tiff.
“I gotta eat. Are you going to be okay? Ken won’t mind if you come over two nights in a row.”
“The fuck I won’t!” he shouts in the background.
“Wow,” I laugh.
“Love you, Addy,” he calls out sarcastically.
Tiff laughs. “Shut up, Ken!”
“What? So Addy can get laid forty five times, but I’m the bad guy for wanting one night to fuck my girl.”
“I’m going to let you go!” I laugh.
“Love you! Call me if you need me. If I don’t answer, you know why.”
“I willnotcall you. Bye, Tiff! Love you!”
I chuck my phone down on my bed in front of me and look around my room. No big plans for this Saturday night. I grab the TV remote and scan for something new to watch. I’m bored right away. It’s more than boredom though. I’m lonely.
I grab my phone and scroll social media, but nothing is holding my attention. I feel jittery like I should be doing something, but I’m also exhausted. This week was so busy at work. That’s why I didn’t plan on doing anything tonight so I could unwind.
I find myself with my keyboard open on Declan’s text thread. I shouldn’t text him. This is the type of shit that always gets me in trouble.
Maybe I could see what Mack’s doing tonight. No. That’s not what I want. I want to talk to Declan. I chuck my phone back down again. See, this is exactly what I was trying to avoid. How did I let myself get into this place again?
Waiting by my phone. Thinking about him all day. Disappointed when he doesn’t reach out. Sad.
Fuck!
I just need to take back control of our relationship. There’s nothing wrong with fucking Declan as long as I can keep it to just that. No feelings. No expectations. Just fucking.
I give in.
Me:You lied.
