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My jaw drops, and I can’t hold back my laugh of disbelief. “This has got to be a fucking joke.”
“C’mon, Addy.” He reaches for my arm again. “We’re good together.”
I yank my arm away, stepping back to create some distance between us. “Don’t touch me.”
He laughs again, but I can hear the anger in his voice. “All of this because of that new guy, huh? You get a little puppy dog following you around and suddenly you’re miss high and mighty bitch.”
His words were meant to hurt, but the thing is, I don’t care about his words anymore. If he had said this to me even a few months ago, I’d be agonizing over it. I’d be doing everything in my power to convince him that he’s wrong. To convince him that I’m good enough for him. To convince him I’m worthy of his love.
“I never loved you.” I keep my voice calm and neutral to drive the point across.
“What?” He breathes out a nervous laugh again like he can’t understand why I’m not just complying with everything he says.
I remove any emotion from my voice so he knows I’m not being reactive. “I never loved you. I loved the idea of you. The fantasy of you. I loved the lies you told me. The person you convinced me you were. You, though? No. I never loved you. I didn’t even know you. I didn’t see you. I had my worth so tangled up in you that I couldn’t even see who you really were.”
“Addy…” He tries to stop me like I’ll somehow forget everything. I don’t even care if he’s not with his wife or fiance or whatever anymore. It doesn’t matter.
“My worth doesn’t come from you, Chris. And it doesn’t come from Declan either. Or any other man for that matter. You broke me. You broke me down to nothing. I can’t go lower than you brought me. And I’m not going to lie and say I’m stronger now or that I’m going to build myself back stronger because I just don’t know right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever move on. I don’t know that I’ll ever believe in love again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust or hope again.” I grab onto the door for strength. “But I do know one thing. I. Don’t. Need. You.”
Slam!
I swing the door shut in his face. I don’t bother to wait to see if he calls after me or tries knocking some more. I turn my music back up and head to my fridge. I pull out some cheap, grocery store wine and pour it into my tumbler. It’s getting late anyway, so there’s no harm in having a glass to unwind. I’ve been productive all day. Not that I really had a choice in the matter.
I plop down on my couch and sip my wine for what feels like centuries. I stare blankly at the wall for at least twenty minutes before I finally let myself feel. I thought I might be sad or maybe I’d cry again like I have almost every day this year. It’s not like that at all though. I inhale deeply, and then I blow out all the cares, all the worry, all the sadness, all the pain, all the hurt. The heaviness that has been weighing me down lifts off of my shoulders, and a lightness I haven’t felt in I don’t know how long comes over me.
I know it won’t last, but I close my eyes and savor this moment. I sit here and just breathe.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Oh my God, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I mumble, standing from the couch and setting my wine tumbler on the coffee table. I walk over to the front door ready to tell him to leave me alone. Did he really think giving me thirty minutes was going to change my mind?
I swing the door open. “Look, Chri-.” I stop mid word. “Declan?”
Chapter 22
“Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be here. It’s not Thursday.” He pushes his way inside without asking to be let in. “But you left without saying goodbye, and then you never reached out to me today. So now I don’t know what you’re thinking, and sending a text felt insensitive.” He paces back and forth while he talks. “So I somehow found myself driving over here, and I don’t know if that was a mistake, but I couldn’t not know what you were thinking because it was eating me aliv-.”
I cut him off, smashing my lips against his. He stumbles back slightly in surprise, but it only takes a moment before his hands are frantically all over my body. He doesn’t even attempt to be respectful, squeezing my ass and pulling me up against him.
His mouth travels down my neck and in between my tits. I gasp when he lifts me off the floor, colliding his lips back with mine as he walks us over to my bedroom.
My back hits the bedroom wall as he drops me back to the floor, cupping my jaw and surrounding me against the wall. I melt into him, kissing him back just as desperately.
I feel so much lighter now that he’s here. It’s like I know that I’d be okay without him, but I would rather have him here. Everything feels right when he’s here.
He reaches for the hem of my shirt and pulls it up over my head. He leans back enough to look me up and down before bringing his mouth back to mine, but that only lasts a moment as he falls to his knees in front of me.
He places a few kisses on my stomach and hip bones, running his fingers along the edge of my leggings. He hooks his fingers in the waistband and pulls them down, running his eyes down each new inch of exposed skin.
He presses his lips against the inside of my thigh, inhaling sharply. “I’m going to worship your body.”
I squeeze my mouth shut, but it barely muffles my moan as I fall back against the wall, waiting for him to continue. He kisses his way up my thigh to my hip, and then up my stomach, not stopping until he’s back on his feet in front of me. He meets my eyes before cupping my jaw and pressing his mouth against mine once more as he pulls me back toward the bed.
He stops us at the edge of the bed, and he reaches behind my back, unclipping my bra and pulling it down my arms. He hooks his fingers into my panties and drags them down to my feet, throwing them to the side before bouncing back to his feet. He leans back, running his eyes down my naked body.
My lips twitch up into a smirk. He shakes his head with a laugh, biting his bottom lip before shoving me back onto the bed. I fall back with a squeal, but my breath catches in my throat when I see the look on his face. He devours me with his eyes before reaching down and yanking his t-shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor.
He makes a move toward the bed, but I stop him with one look. I nod down at his pants that are still very much on. He looks down before smirking at me, unbuckling his belt way slower than necessary. I let him have his little moment of power, knowing I’m going to have him eating out of my hands here shortly.
