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He doesn’t.
I make eye contact with Amanda as he drags me out the side door from the kitchen. She gives a little wave, her face a full blown smile. She doesn’t even attempt to save me. Traitor.
He drops me back to the ground, and I struggle to find my balance for a moment. It takes a bit for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. “What?” I ask angrily.
“You’re mad at me. I understand that, but I don’t know how to fix it. I need you to communicate with me.” His voice is calm. He’s always able to put me at ease, but it’s having the opposite effect right now. I don’t want him to calm me. I’m angry at him.
I shake my head, turning my back to him. “I’m not going to be your secret, Carver. I deserve someone who’s not ashamed of me.”
He walks back in front of me, forcing me to face him. “I’m not ashamed of you, fuck! It’s not like that.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Then what the fuck was all that?”
He closes his eyes, exhaling harshly. “I just didn’t want people to know yet because…” he trails off.
“Because what?” I ask, not allowing him to sidestep the question.
His jaw tenses. “Because if people know, that makes things so real.”
My heart falls into my stomach. “Is that so bad?” I can feel tears starting to prick the corner of my eyes and like fuck am I going to let him see me cry over him. “You know what? Forget it,” I say, trying to go back inside.
“Thea, wait!” he calls out after me.
“No!” I shout. “I’m done waiting.”
“Thea,” he says, reaching out for me.
I pull away. “I don’t want this.”
His face hardens. “Stop. Yes you do.”
I release a laugh. “I always do this. Why do I always fucking do this?” I say more to myself than him. “I had someone who wasn’t ashamed to be with me. I had someone who waskind and took care of me, and I fucked that all up for this? For nothing?” I gather every ounce of courage I have to look him in the eyes. “Forget it.” I turn and start walking away again.
“Thea,” he tries again.
“No, I’m done, Mack.”
“Thea, please.”
I keep walking.
“Thea!”
I don’t turn around.
“I’m scared!” His voice booms through the air, stopping me in my tracks.
I slowly turn his way, and his eyes are pleading. “I'm scared, okay?”
My voice lowers to a whisper. “Of what?”
He reaches out, brushing my hair back away from my face. “Because, what if I’m the one to hurt you? It’s my job to protect you. What if I’m the one who hurts you?”
My heart thuds against my chest as I lock eyes with him. “What if you’re not?”
He searches my face, cupping my cheek, and then he smiles. He smiles at me. He smiles at me until I’m uncomfortable and try to pull away.
“What?” I ask, but before I even have time to think, he smashes his lips against mine, wrapping his arm around my back and pulling me in up against him.
