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My eyes fly open again as the sound of Molly crying in her room makes its way across the landing to shake me fully awake again.
‘Daaadddyyy,’ Molly cries.
‘Gavin,’ I whisper. ‘Can you check on her?’
‘Daaadddyyy,’ Molly’s crying grows louder and more upset.
‘Hmm?’ Gavin says, clearly already half asleep.
‘Molly,’ I say, turning around to face him. His eyes are closed. ‘She missed you at bedtime. Maybe you could give her a goodnight hug now?’
‘So tired, Charlie,’ Gavin mumbles. ‘Can you do it? Sorry.’
‘Sure,’ I huff out, blowing warm breath in my husband’s face.
I stand up, throw on my dressing gown and march across the landing and into my daughter’s bedroom.
‘Hush, hush, sweetheart,’ I whisper. ‘I’m here. Mammy’s here.’
TWELVE
KAYLA
The next day
I’m sitting in a leather armchair in the doctor’s office. I’m trying really hard to concentrate, but I’m so tired after last night. It’s nothing like I expected in here. It doesn’t really feel like a hospital at all. It’s more like the principal’s office, only much posher. The walls are cream and there’s a really soft, but kind of gross, browny-pink carpet. There’s a filing cabinet in the corner and a water cooler beside it. The doctor has a pretty impressive flat-screen computer monitor on his desk and there are certificates framed on the wall behind him. He’s kind of good looking for someone in his thirties or forties. Mam keeps staring at him, so I think she fancies him. Dad hasn’t really noticed.
‘So, Kayla. Have you any questions for me?’ Doctor Patterson asks after a big long explanation about what Ewing’s sarcoma is and how none of this is my fault – it just happens sometimes.
‘Am I going to die?’ I ask.
Mam and Dad gasp, as if they’re shocked by my question, but I know by Mam’s face she wants an answer too. Mam is sitting in the chair beside me. Her legs are crossed. She keeps crossing them anduncrossing them and switching which one is on top. There isn’t another chair for Dad so he stands behind me with his hands gripping the back of my chair. I sort of wish he’d let go because he’s shaking and it’s making my chair wobble and that’s making me nervous.
No one says anything for a moment.
‘Well. Am I?’ I ask again.
‘Kayla, I know this is scary,’ Doctor Patterson says. ‘But we’d like to start your treatment as soon as possible, okay?’
I nod, realising I’d stopped listening at some point while he was explaining all about treatment. I look at Mam and her eyes are all glassed over and she’s not doing a great job at pretending to be okay. And I just keep thinking about why he won’t answer my question.
‘So, Iamgoing to die,’ I say.
‘Kayla. No. No you’re not,’ Dad says.
‘Kayla, there are so many treatment options,’ Doctor Patterson says. ‘I don’t want you to be worried or scared. You’re in the best possible place. And everyone here, all the nurses and doctors and me, of course, we just want to help you to get better.’
‘I’m only fifteen,’ I say. ‘It’s not fair. I’m really fit and kinda healthy. I mean, I eat a lot of chocolate but I’m captain of the school basketball team. I just thought I was running it all off.’
‘Your fitness will help you,’ Doctor Patterson says, standing up and walking to the water cooler. He pours two glasses of water. He gives one to Mam and the other to Dad. I wonder if he’ll go back and pour me one. I’m actually pretty thirsty but he walks past the water cooler and back to his desk. And I can’t help but be disappointed that for a kids’ doctor he’s one of those people who thinks grown-ups are more important than kids. He doesn’t sit down but he opens his drawer andhe pulls out a can of Coke and a KitKat. He walks back around his desk and passes them both to me.
‘I like chocolate too,’ he says, winking.
I smile and wonder if it’s okay to open the can in his office.
‘Look, Kayla. I’m not going to patronise you,’ he says, staying standing beside me. ‘This is not going to be a picnic. You’re in for one heck of a battle here, okay?’
I nod, listening.
