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CHARLOTTE
It’s only November but the smell of Christmas hangs in the air as the rustle of a key turning in the front door rouses me. I haven’t fallen fully asleep since Molly climbed into my bed. The front door creaks open and I listen without opening my eyes. The sound of the door closing followed by Gavin’s familiar footfall downstairs helps me to relax. I hadn’t realised being alone with Molly in the darkness was bothering me so much until just now. I open my eyes and untangle myself from Molly’s sleeping grip and roll out of bed. The cold of the timber floor drives into the soles of my feet instantly and I skip my way across the room. I fetch my dressing gown, which is hanging on the back of the door, and quickly slide in my shivering arms and tie the belt around my waist. With a deep breath I leave my room.
‘Hey,’ I say, meeting Gavin as I step off the bottom step of the stairs. ‘Is Kayla okay? What happened?’
‘Hey,’ Gavin says, holding a pint glass full of water in his hand. ‘She has a kidney infection. They’ve started her on antibiotics. She was really distressed and scared but she calmed down when Heather came back.’
I sigh, relieved, and a weight I didn’t realise I was carrying lifts.
‘We’ve no power,’ Gavin says.
‘Eh, yeah,’ I say. ‘It’s been out for ages. And Molly is afraid of the dark.’
‘What are Electric Ireland saying?’ Gavin asks. ‘When will it be back?’
‘I dunno. I didn’t call them.’
‘Why didn’t you call?’
I close my eyes and inhale. I want to explain that I had too much on my mind. I want to tell Gavin I was worried about Kayla. And tell him about Heather falling asleep on the couch. I need to tell him I miss him and can’t sleep without him. Most of all, I want to ask Gavin if he knows anything about the letter in Heather’s room. But I find myself frustrated instead and I turn on the bottom step and make my way back up the stairs without another word to my husband.
Upstairs I wrestle with Molly’s floppy, sleeping body as I lift her up and cautiously cross the landing to tuck her into her own bed. I’m exhausted by the time I feel my way back to my room and flop into the sheets.
Cold and exhausted, I lie awake for ages listening to Gavin walk about downstairs wondering what he’s doing in the darkness. Finally, I hear him creep up the stairs, making an effort to be quiet, obviously assuming both Molly and I are sleeping.
‘Can you blow out the candle in the bathroom?’ I say, when I think he’s close enough to be in earshot of our room. The darkness doesn’t seem so bad now, with Gavin here to share it.
‘Did I wake you?’ he says, ignoring my request to quench the candle as he walks into our room, the torch on his phone blinding me as he shines it towards the bed.
‘Nope,’ I say. ‘I haven’t been asleep yet.’
‘But it’s late…’
I roll out of bed as Gavin begins to undress. I scurry across the dark landing, into the bathroom, and puff out the glorious-smelling candle. I’m plunged into complete darkness as Gavin’s and my bedroom door swings closed.For goodness’ sake.Islow down, stretch my arms out in front of me and feel my way back to the bedroom.
Moments later, when Gavin and I are both in bed, back to back, I allow my thoughts to wander to the letter in Heather’s room and what the hell it means.
It doesn’t take long for Gavin’s familiar gentle snores to rustle through the air. I pull the duvet up close to my neck and drift off to sleep. But seconds later Molly is crying and afraid again.
‘Gavin,’ I say, placing my hand on his shoulder. ‘I think Molly is awake.’
‘Hmm?’
‘Can you go check on her?’
‘Can you?’ Gavin sighs, barely awake. ‘I’m so sleepy.’
‘Gavin she misses you. She hasn’t seen you in days. I know she’d love a hug.’
‘Tomorrow,’ Gavin whispers. ‘I’ll see her tomorrow.’
I exhale, exhausted, and throw the duvet back on my side. I’m just about to stand up when the lights all come back on and the house is painfully bright for this time of night. Molly appears at our bedroom door, dangling a teddy by her side.
‘Daddy,’ she squeals, noticing Gavin asleep beside me.
‘Hey, princess,’ Gavin says, sounding drunk his words are laced with so much sleep. ‘C’mere.’
Gavin lifts the duvet on his side and Molly hurries into our room, around the end of the bed and climbs in beside her father. Gavin’s armswrap around her and he shuffles into the middle until he’s touching me too. Tucked between us both he sighs and says, ‘Goodnight.’
