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‘Actually, there was something else I was hoping to talk to you about today.’
‘There was?’
‘Yeah.’ He nods, suddenly seeming unsure and I can feel my new-found confidence fading fast. ‘There’s a ball on next week. It’s a fancy dinner and speeches. It can be horrendously boring, I’m not going to lie, but there’s dancing after and the wine is great. I was hoping you might be my guest.’
‘Me?’ I almost spit coffee across his desk.
‘And Kayla too of course,’ he adds, quickly.
‘Oh.’ I blush, realising I misread him.
‘Every year a couple of patients give a speech. About their treatment, their experience in the hospital. I thought Kayla might like to do it. I’ve heard her chatting with some of the other kids in the games room. She’s so kind and compassionate. And the nurses adore her. I can’t think of anyone better to speak.’
‘Wow that’s… that’s huge.’
‘I wanted to ask you, of course, before I made any suggestion to Kayla.’
‘Thank you. Wow. Yes. That would be fantastic. I mean, if she’s up for it. I’ll have to talk to her about it and see if she’s comfortable.’
‘Of course,’ he says. ‘I thought maybe I could come up to the ward in an hour or so and we could ask her together.’
‘Yes. Great,’ I take another mouthful of coffee, it suddenly tastes better than ever. ‘That would be great.’
Jack places his coffee cup on the table and stands up. I do the same, except I keep my coffee with me. It’s just about the only thing keeping me awake right now. We walk to the door together.
‘Okay, well I’ll speak to you again soon,’ Jack says and I’m probably reading too much into it but I think he sounds nervous. I wonder if he thinks Kayla might say no.
He stretches his arm out to me and I switch my coffee from my right into my left hand so we can shake. Jack leans forward as our hands connect and I do the same. I think it’s odd that he’s going to kiss my cheek goodbye as if we’re French or terribly posh. But I don’t want to be rude and just walk away, and we’re still shaking hands. However, we’re misaligned as we lean in, and instead of catching my cheek, Jack’s lips press onto mine. It’s mortifying, and he’s not really kissing me. We’re just standing still with our lips together and I realise that his hand is on the door handle behind me. Jack wasn’t leaning in to kiss my cheek, he was leaning in to open the door.Oh my God.
‘Gosh, I’m so sorry.’ Jack rubs the back of his neck, cracking his head from side to side with an audible pop. ‘That was awkward. I hope I haven’t embarrassed you.’
‘No. No, it’s fine,’ I say, mortified.
‘I can only apologise,’ Jack says, as if it’s not equally our fault.
‘Perhaps the ball isn’t such a good idea after all,’ I say, not sure what the bubbles popping in my tummy right now mean. I think I haven’tbeen kissed in so long that feeling Jack’s lips on mine, accident or not, felt like something special.
‘Okay,’ Jack says. Disappointment is written all over his face. ‘I understand. I’m sorry you feel that way. But I respect your decision.’
‘And don’t say anything to Kayla,’ I add. ‘Please? She’ll read way too much into this. You know what kids are like.’
‘Of course.’ Jack frowns and I know I’ve insulted him by even suggesting that he might talk to Kayla about this. Part of me is desperate to leave. But another part wishes everything could be different and I could stay, maybe even kiss him for real. ‘I don’t think we need to discuss anything further today, okay?’
‘But, Kayla’s questions,’ Jack says.
‘Not today. I’ve got to get back to Kayla now,’ I say and I pull back the door dramatically and throw my half-full cup of coffee into the bin that’s waiting on the far side.
‘Bye. Goodbye,’ Matilda chirps as I pass.
‘Bye,’ I say.
I can feel Matilda’s eyes on me as I walk away and Jack is possibly watching too. I’m walking so fast my hips waddle uncomfortably as I round the corner and come to a sudden stop. Out of view I press my hand against the wall and bend in the middle to catch my breath, unable to believe exactly what just happened.
FORTY
KAYLA
November
