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“I don’t see the problem.” I’m joking but I’d be more than happy to stay here and hold her in my arms rather than socialize with people who make the differences between us look so huge that we’re barely the same species.
“I know but I want you to get to know them. They’re important to me, and so are you.”
“Fine, go shower. I’ll keep myself occupied.” I kick the sheet down and fist my already hardening cock, stroking and fisting it as her eyes go hooded. Fuck, this girl is sin on a stick.
Her tongue slips out to wet her lips and I groan and release my cock. “Later, I want those lips around my cock.”
“Yes.”
Before I can tackle her to the bed, she slams the bathroom door with a giggle, the lock clicking loudly in the room. I smile wide at how shy she can sometimes be, insisting on locking the bathroom door when she uses the toilet, when I’ve had my mouth on every inch of her perfect body. She’s complex and so far out of my league, and yet she said she loves me, and I feel like a king because of it. I try to think of anything but her in an effort to get my dick to go down but, surrounded by her scent and the smell of sex, it’s impossible. I stand and grab my jeans to check my phone and curse when I see a flurry of missed calls from my mom.
I try to call her back and get nothing but there is a text waiting.
Mom: It’s happening. Can you meet me there?
Fuck!
I shove my clothes on, listening to the sound of the shower, and know I should tell Audrey what’s going on, but I need to go. I can’t leave my mom alone when she needs me. I look around desperately and find a scrap of torn paper. I can leave her a note and explain. I root around the room for a pen and find one covered in flowers with a fluffy pink pom-pom on the end. My lips twitch at the sight even with panic unfurling in my belly. I quickly scribble an explanation that I need to go and will call her later and then prop it against the lamp on her bedside table, cursing when the flimsy paper keeps falling. I prop it again so she’ll see it and it finally stays. I sigh in relief and cast one more glance at the bathroom door, wishing I could explain in person, but Audrey knows nothing of my life, of my background. Something I regret fiercely right now, but I’ll explain everything. The sound of her singing eases the giant knot in my gut. My mom will love Audrey almost as much as I do. And with that sense of excitement and nerves in my belly, I leave, clicking the door shut and racing for my bike, the note I left her fluttering off the nightstand with the light puff of air from the door closing and landing in the wastepaper basket.
1Audrey
Looking at Eden,it’s easy to see the utter radiant joy on her face as she moves down the aisle as if walking on air, towards Ryker. It blooms and spills from her as if it can’t be contained and I guess a part of that is because she’s four months pregnant. I tilt my head toward my friend who stands tall and handsome at the head of the alter with our other friends, Harrison, Beck, and my cousin Lincoln as his groomsmen beside him.
The way he looks at his bride almost steals my breath from my lungs. Such unabashed adoration that he makes no effort to conceal as the tears fall fat and freely down his sharp cheekbones. Love: that rare, and precious emotion fills the room, and it is all I can do not to flee, not to run screaming as regret and pain lances through me like the dull blade of a rusty dagger. Not when the man who stole that sweet promise of unadulterated love and a future filled with hope away from me stands not fifteen feet away.
A ball of hate worms in my gut, like snakes twining around each other, hissing and spitting their displeasure. Hudson Carmichael, who took the love of a naive young woman desperate to be seen, and stamped it into the ground with his callous boot. I feel his hot, dark gaze on me, tendrils of seductive heat skating down my skin and fight the urge to give in and look at him. Why does he still have the ability to make me crave him and at the same time hate him beyond all measure of sense?
My control was a hard-won battle and only years of being this Audrey, this cool, unemotional woman who doesn’t feel, allows me to keep my eyes pinned on the bride and groom as they make their vows to each other with such unabashed adoration skating through every word that my breath hitches and my hands shake.
I’ve watched from the sidelines as each one of my friends has found the one, or two in Beck’s case, who makes them whole, who makes them complete in a way they could never be on their own. I’ve cheered for every single one of them with genuine heartfelt joy when they found what they were looking for, but the hollow ache in my chest grows each day. Like a cancer eating away at a bit more of me until I’m unsure if there’ll be anything left to bury when I finally leave this world.
I find myself turning towards the pull he has on me, caving to the urge for just a second and lock eyes with Hudson Carmichael. His eyes are the palest blue, almost silvery, and they pin me in place, his expression intense and unreadable. His jaw is sharp and strong with just the slightest scruff on it. A proud chin, which he holds high, giving him the look of an arrogant fallen angel.
My fingers tingle, remembering the silky thickness of his hair sliding against my skin. He wears it shorter now than the unruly waves which I loved, but he looks no less devastating, and I hate that, with each year I age, he seems to grow more devastatingly handsome. Hudson could have been on the cover of Vogue, he looked so edible in that damn tux, but then he wears a leather jacket and distressed jeans just as well. Like a chameleon. No, not a chameleon, something more because Hudson doesn’t blend into his surroundings, he owns them like a Greek god sent to walk among the mortals.
I school my expression into one of unforgiving hate and boredom as I let my gaze slide over him. I want him to feel as worthless as he made me feel all those years ago. Yet, when I look up, he has the sexiest smirk on his full lips, a slight quirk of his left eyebrow, a challenge, like he can read my thoughts and see straight through them to the damaged decaying heart that still only beats for him. As if he knows a secret that he has no intention of sharing. It makes me indescribably angry and, for one second, I feel my body lean as if I’ll march over there and what? What will I do? Nothing because it’s hard to know what to do when you despise the person you love the most. When his downfall is my greatest desire and yet knowing that, by destroying him, I’ll burn down the last shred of myself until there’s nothing but cold black ash to prove I ever lived.
My body is hot, aching, desperate for his touch, but my mind wants to shred him into tiny bits. I snap back to reality, my gaze breaking away from his and straighten my shoulders, lifting my chin in defiance as I hear the whoops and whistles and see Ryker bending Eden over backward and kissing her like she’s the air he needs to live. That brings a small smile to my face, and I thrust any thoughts of Hudson from my brain. He doesn’t deserve any headroom and I won’t give it to him, not today. This is a happy day, and I won’t allow him to poison it. I won’t allow him to take one more thing from me.
I stay focused on Ryker and Eden as they head back up the aisle and Lincoln meets me to escort me on the short walk to the church doors. I hold onto his arm like a lifeline, composing myself for the afternoon ahead. My cousin is the only person in the world who knows some of what transpired between Hudson and I, and as if sensing my earlier discomfort, he dips his head to check on me.
“Are you okay, cous? You look like you want to maim someone.”
It’s funny, I’ve worked so hard to hide my pain from everyone, to hide how broken I am that every person I love believes the lie I’ve sold them. That I’m this strong, smart, force of nature who isn’t to be crossed. In some ways that is true, I am that person, and I don’t regret that. I like who I am, who I fought to become to survive. I love my friends and I’m fiercely loyal to those I let into my small circle, but sometimes I wish I could drop my guard for just a little while and be the girl who once saw the joy in everything.
I slide my gaze to Hudson as we walk past, giving him a withering look and Lincoln snickers.
“Want me to punch him for you, Aud?”
“We are not five, Lincoln.”
“No, but it would be fun.”
I smile and shake my head. I love my cousin, faults and all because, no matter what, he’s loyal, and he stepped up for me. I’ll never forget that. “No, he isn’t worth the trouble it will cause you with Lottie.”
Lincoln looks like he swallowed a wasp. “I still can’t believe she likes that asshole. Of all the people for my wife to have a bleeding heart for, it’s him.”
“He helped her when she needed it.” I don’t know why I say it. Defending Hudson is never something I want to do, but it’s the truth. He went to bat for my cousin’s wife, and in some ways my cousin too, when he helped put my uncle away for his vicious crimes against Lottie’s mother, amongst others. My dislike of Hudson will never stop me from being honest about that. Being honest with myself is something I pride myself on, which is why I can admit if only to myself that no matter what, I’ll always love the man I hate so much. Whatever he did to me, and my gut clenches with the whisper of pain at the thought, he was good to my friends.
