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“Yeah, just a lot going on in my head.”
“Anything I can help with?”
Not expecting an answer, I’m slightly shocked by her next words.
“Why didn’t you tell me about your mom expecting a baby, and why did you ghost me afterward?”
Shit, we’re doing this now. I knew it was coming but had hoped it would be a nice calm conversation at home after dinner and a glass of wine. But I owe her this. Shit, I owe her more. Still gripping her hand, I take the time using the drive to gather my thoughts. Audrey tries to pull her hand away, and I tighten my grip.
“Forget it. It doesn’t matter.”
“Will you just give me a damn minute to gather my thoughts? I’m going to answer you, but I don’t want to just blurt out some meaningless bullshit. You want the truth, give me a second to put it into words before you react, Belle.”
Audrey’s eyes widen for a beat before she nods.
“My mom was fifteen when she had me. Her parents kicked her out, disowning her, and my sperm donor, who was married, wanted nothing to do with us. He gave her five grand and told her to get rid of me. It was tough. From the very beginning, it was always just us. We had nothing, but she gave me all the love I could ever need. As I got older, I became a parent in some ways. My mom was fragile, and I guess I was protective. I worked two jobs to help out and she worked in a hotel as a maid.
“I knew I wanted a better life for us, so I set about making it happen. I got my scholarship and then I met you. Meeting you, Audrey, was like being hit by a falling star. I’d never felt anything like it. When I was around you nothing else mattered and, for the first time, I wanted to be better so I could be worthy of you.”
“You were always worthy, Hudson.”
Her fingers squeeze mine as I pull into her parents’ drive and put the car in park. Angling my body, I unbuckle her seatbelt and pull her across the console and into my lap. Needing her close, wanting her in my arms as I lay all my shame bare for her.
“No, I wasn’t even close to being worthy of you and I’m still not. I’m ashamed to say that I hid my home life from you because I was ashamed. I loved my mother, but we had nothing except a crappy one-bedroom flat and, when she got pregnant again by another married asshole that didn’t give a fuck about her, I was angry. So damn angry with her, but she was my mom and I’d never abandon her, yet I couldn’t find it in me to tell you about how fucked up things were. I was so afraid you’d walk away and I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
A tear rolls down Audrey’s cheek and it guts me that I’m still causing her pain after all this time. I fucking hate that I hurt her and, if I could go back and change one thing in my life, it would be how I handled things with us. I reach up and gently wipe the tear away as I tug her closer, her head on my chest.
I’m sure she can feel how hard my heart is beating in my chest, feel the way my hard dick is pressed against her hip, and I don’t care because being here with her feels too good, and I need this, just for a minute. Talking about the past is always hard for me. I have so many complicated emotions, but she deserves the truth.
Her head comes up and those tear-dipped lashes blink up at me. “Is that why you didn’t call me?”
“We didn’t know Tia had Downs until she was born. Not that it mattered, we both loved her on sight.”
Audrey gives me a watery smile. “She is very lovable, like her brother.”
I fight not to read into those words as I continue. “I knew my mom would need me more than ever. Tia had some heart issues, but it was my mom’s health that sealed it. Her birth was traumatic, and we found out shortly after the birth that she had advanced cervical cancer. Honestly, it was a miracle she’d gone to term, but also why she’d ended up with a C-section. Finding out that I was about to lose my mom, and knowing I was all Tia had, was like getting hit by a bus.”
Audrey’s palm smooths over my cheek and I close my eyes, savoring every second. “I would have helped if you’d let me.”
And there she was, the woman I’d fallen in love with. The woman who’d owned my heart from the first day we’d met. So beautiful inside and out, and she would have given me everything she had and what could I have offered her, apart from the occasional moment of my attention.
“I know you would have, which is why I did what I did. You would have given up everything to help me and I couldn’t let you do that. You were too brilliant. Your star was too bright for me to dull it with my drama.”
“But I loved you, Hudson.”
God, she was killing me, each word a new cut to add to my scarred heart.
Cupping my hands over her cheeks, I lean in closer, craving the touch of her against my lips. I place kisses all over her cheeks, her nose, her eyes, and fight the urge to take her mouth exactly how I want. “I know and, God, I loved you too much to let you. I know I hurt you. I know I broke your heart, and you have no fucking idea how sorry I am for that. If I could go back and change the way I handled things, I would in a heartbeat. But I don’t regret setting you free, Belle. You deserved better. You still do.”
Audrey lifts her head and I see the fire I love so much in those beautiful brown eyes. “You’re right. I deserve a man who’ll let me make my own choices, not presume to know what I want or need in my life.”
With that, she pulls back and scrambles over to her side of the car. I rush to jump out and open her door, but she beats me to it with a scowl in my direction.
“Now, don’t forget I’m the love of your life, so please make this believable for my parents.”
I glance at the door, where her mom is waiting with the biggest smile, just like her daughter’s. Little does Audrey seem to understand that no acting will be needed. She’s the absolute love of my life. Always has been, always will be.
“There you are, the little love birds.”
