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“Brazen?” Noah’s voice is soft and brittle.
“Yeah?” I’m still gulping in oxygen.
I don’t get a response from her. Instead, she takes shelter under my arm and clings to me. It seems Noah needs my touch after the heavy event, but I think I need the affection from her more. Nothing could make this day okay, but being with Noah does make it a little easier. I would never have survived this without her.
“Let’s get my mom and go home.” I guide her away.
My mom isn’t the person that I see though. It’s Dan, my old friend who was helping me out. His head is down as he rushes from the church, much like I did. He practically runs over us on his way out but looks up before we crash.
“Hey, Dan,” I greet him with a forced smile.
“Brazen, man, I’m so sorry about all of this. Everything is just a mess.” He throws his hands into the air.
I nod. That’s about the hundredth time I’ve heard a variation of that phrase. I’ve run out of responses. Or maybe I’ve run out of the will to care about politeness.
Never one to mince words, Dan gets right to it. “Listen, this isn’t the time or the place, but I’ve got something big.” His tightened fist pounds into his open palm. “Just know that, when it happens, I’m sorry it’s too little, too late. I just wish it’d happened sooner. Look, I have to go, but just … I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, man.”
His hostile energy sets me on edge, but I’m too preoccupied with everything else to worry much about this interaction.
Dan is gone as quick as he came.
“What was that about?” Noah asks as we watch him get into his car.
“He was the guy digging into Matt for me.” That was a bit strange. “I guess he found something. Like he said, it’s a bit too late. I can’t even think about it today. Let’s go home.”
We came to say good-bye, but nothing feels final at the end of this funeral.
From what I’ve heard, Stephanie hasn’t been very cooperative with the investigation, and the cops still haven’t located Matt. That’s a huge piece of the puzzle that leaves everything unresolved. They haven’t even released Sunday’s official cause of death yet, so we don’t even know exactly how she died as we laid her memory to rest today.
Wherever he is and whatever he did to her haunts me. My bad dreams at night are vivid, and my nightmares are happening while I’m awake. I don’t think that will ever completely go away.
Matt took a life away and changed all of ours in the process. The sun will rise tomorrow morning and set tomorrow night. Every day that he gets away with what he did, I grow angrier, but for tonight, I’ll try to push that aside. I might not have wanted to be here at this funeral, but I do need to find my own way to say good-bye. Sunday deserves a proper farewell.
I just don’t know how I’ll be able to let her go.
