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“I need to know something.”
Olivia was lying facedown in bed, half asleep as Aiden applied a cool, soothing cream to her bottom and thighs. “What?” she asked sleepily, relishing in the feel of his skin against hers, and the way the cream dulled the worst of the pain from her punishment.
“Why didn’t you use your safe word?”
Olivia’s eyes popped open. Well, she supposed they had to talk about it eventually. They’d spent the last several hours in a near-constant state of slow, sensual worship. Learning everything about each other’s bodies, and all the ways to wring pleasure from each other. In the woods, the garden, the lobby, the enormous bathtub, their bed. Aiden was even delivering this current aftercare with a devotion bordering on reverence.
As much as she would’ve liked that never to end, it had been a naïve hope.
Sighing, Olivia sat up, holding back a wince as she put weight on her still-swollen bottom. She’d have to take some ibuprofen before bed. “Because I didn’t want to.”
“You didn’t want to?” Aiden asked, disbelief in every word. “Or you didn’t remember that you could?”
She tried to lighten the mood with a soft chuckle. “I won’t pretend the thought didn’t cross my mind,” she teased, but it fell flat. His expression remained worried and stony, and she gave up the act. “Yes, I remembered. No, I didn’t want to.”
Aiden ran a hand through his hair. “Why the fuck not?”
Thinking back to the sheer panic on his face and in his voice out on the cliff, she gave a little shrug and said, “Because I deserved to be punished.”
“Not like that! Not when I was furious and out of—”
“Because I trust you,” she interrupted.
He snorted, looking away from her. “Well, you fucking shouldn’t.”
Reaching up, she put her hand against the rough stubble on his cheek, gently pulling until he looked at her again. “But I do.”
Aiden rested his hand over hers, closing his eyes as he leaned into her touch. “Why?” So much anguish filled that one word. It made her chest ache.
“Because you’re my Dom. Because you’re the first person in my entire life who gives a damn about fulfillingmywants,myneeds. You’re the first person who ever even bothered to figure out what they were. Do you have any idea how horrible I felt when I realized how much I scared you?”
“That doesn’t matter.” She started to object, but he didn’t give her the chance. “I need you to promise me something. If any Dom ever treats you like I did today, promise me you’ll use your safe word and get the fuck out of there. A Domalwaysneeds to be calm. Healwaysneeds to be in control of his emotions, or you could get seriously hurt. Do you hear me?”
“Aiden—”
“Promise me.”
Olivia let out a long, slow breath as she gathered her thoughts. “First I want to know why.”
His brows furrowed together. “Why I want you to be safe?”
“No, that I understand.” She had a strong urge to look away, but made herself hold his gaze as she said, “I want to know why you got so angry. Is it just that you’re afraid of heights, or was something else going on?”
Aiden was the one to look away then, though he didn’t appear to be upset with her prying. If anything, he looked confused. “I’m not even afraid of heights,” he said, his voice soft and low. “Not really.”
And it wasn’t only that she hadn’t listened. If he reacted that way every time a sub disobeyed him, he wouldn’t feel so guilty now. Not wanting to distract him as he worked it out in his head, she kept as quiet and still as she could.
When at last he looked at her again, uncertainty still lingered in his eyes. “I don’t understand why,” he admitted. “All I know is I imagined you falling over the cliff, and I knew I couldn’t lose you, too.”
“Too?”
Pressing his lips together, he studied her for a long moment, his gaze shuttered. It was obvious he thought he’d said too much. But then he closed his eyes and sighed. “My parents disowned me when they found out I’m in the lifestyle.”
Olivia’s chest ached at the pain in his voice. Reaching out, she laid a gentle hand on his arm. “How did they find out?”
“I told them,” he said, scoffing. “I know, stupid, right? It’s not like it was a surprise when they freaked the fuck out. That’s why I kept it a secret for so long.” He ran his hand through his hair again, making it stand up that time. “To give you an idea of the type of people they are, they’d been trying to get me to marry some appropriately virginal girl from their church for over a year when I finally snapped and told themwhyI kept saying no. Ten minutes later, I wasn’t their son anymore.”
“Jesus. That’s so fucked up.” She gave his arm a comforting squeeze. Shitty parents were at least something she could understand and commiserate with. “When was this?”
