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For the first time, it occurred to him he had no clue what Zach’s sexual orientation was; he’d never seen the man act differently around any of the staff or guests. All he knew was the guy liked to watch—and who didn’t in a place like this?
Maybe that’s why Zach never took any clients. Perhaps he was gay. Or submissive. Or both.
So much to puzzle out, but it would have to wait. Olivia was getting farther and farther away from him by the moment. It was time to figure out what mattered to him most, once and for all.
The Manor can never love you back.
Zach’s words were still ringing in his head. Did it mean he’d given up his parents’ love for something that could never love him back, too?
No, that wasn’t right. His mom and dad had never loved him. Not really. They’d loved the idea of him. The perfect little picture of him in their minds, that he had no chance of ever living up to.
But Olivia loved the real him. The Aiden his parents had rejected. And he was throwing it all away for an old mansion with pretty woodwork.
Aiden got his cell from his pocket, pulling up his favorites and hitting Leo’s name.
“I’ve been expecting your call,” Leo said in lieu of a greeting. “Ever since we all spoke the other night.”
Good. Then he didn’t have to try explaining. “Do you regret it?” Leo would understand what he was asking.
Did he feel like he gave up on his dream. Like he was missing out. Like choosing Sophie over the Manor had been a mistake.
The sound Leo made then was one of pure contentment. “Not even for a second.”
CHAPTER16
Olivia
Olivia made it about seven and a half of the eight miles to downtown Fairford before she started sobbing. Really, that was rather impressive. She definitely deserved a cookie or a cupcake or something.
No longer able to see, and with hands shaking too much to keep the wheel steady anyway, she pulled over on the side of the deserted road.
“Fuck my fucking life,” she said, banging her head back against the headrest. What the ever-loving fuck had she been thinking, going to the Manor? Hadn’t she spent the last several years trying to convince Jen she wasn’t the kind of person who could handle casual hookups? So, what, it was supposed to be totally different if shefucking paid for it? So long as money changed hands, her emotions would be in some sort of magical lockdown?
Olivia let out a wordless scream, trying to shove all her pain and frustration and fear into that single, anguished sound, not stopping until her throat was raw and her lungs demanded air.
Okay, she really needed to get a grip. It was over. Period. End of discussion. Time to get on with her life. And maybe—finally—find someone to share that life with. Someone she was actually allowed to keep.
Wiping her eyes on her sleeves, she grabbed her phone off the passenger seat. She’d been in such a hurry to get away from Aiden before she did something stupid, she hadn’t even pulled up directions.
When she brought her phone to life, the top notification (above about a hundred texts and missed calls from Jen, who believed she was at a singles retreat in Florida) was a text from an unknown 802 number—the Vermont area code.
The pictures from Aiden.
It was a bad idea. Aterribleidea, even. If she was smart, she’d delete it all, block his number, and drive off into the sunset. Figuratively. It was 10:22 in the morning.
But things like self-restraint and intelligence would have to wait for tomorrow.
She pulled up the pictures, going through several angles of the mushrooms she’d found growing on a tree stump. Every time she swiped to the next picture, her heart skipped a beat, knowing what came after the orange and yellow fungus.
At last, she reached the selfies. In the first one, Aiden was stunned—eyes wide, mouth half open, as if someone had smacked him upside the head with a two-by-four. It made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Swiping her thumb, she pulled up the next picture. The one where he’d wrapped an arm around her and smiled.
Her eyes filled with tears, making his stupid, perfect face blur. The sex and the spankings and the orgasms had, of course, been mind-blowing. But she had a feeling that, in years to come, she’d look back on moments like these the most. Moments when they’d simply been together, talking and laughing, completely happy.
She saved the photo to her phone, then forced herself to move on. She remembered each and every one of the pictures she’d taken on their hike, and her smile was more than a little brittle as she went through them. He’d been so sweet and patient with her, smiling down at her fondly as she flitted around the forest like some sort of wannabe nature photographer.
And there was the unfinished panorama shot she’d taken on the cliff, perfect for about three-quarters of the view, and then a jumbled mess at the end. Her ass literally tingled remembering the belting she got right afterward. She ran a fingertip across her pelvis, where the bark of the fallen tree had been rough and hard against her naked skin.
Olivia couldn’t help thinking she’d never find someone who made her feel like that again. Someone who understood her and her needs on an instinctive level, and whose own needs were such a perfect counterpoint to hers.
