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“As easy as being attracted to each other? It’s not a crime,” she said. “If anyone should hate themselves for what just happened, it’s me. You’re the con artist who duped his way into my bed. And here I am, opening my legs for you again.”
Daire turned, but as soon as he noticed she was still naked, he stood up. “I didn’t mean for us to…” He bent to swipe her clothes from the floor and tossed them onto the bed in front of her. “That’s not why I brought you here.” He breathed out, driving his fingers through his hair. “Harry gave me the go to bring you. Jesus.”
“What is it I don’t understand?” she asked, donning her bra. He’d only pushed her panties aside. So once her bra was on, all she had to do was put her dress on over her head. “You follow Harry’s orders, I get that. But he didn’t order you not to have sex with me, did he?”
“He wouldn’t think he had to,” he muttered. “Some orders are implied.”
“No,” Tess said, pouncing to her knees to shuffle down the bed and grab his tee-shirt in both fists. “There are no implied orders. Not when it comes to your feelings. He can’t order you not to be attracted to me.” Leaning back, she tried to make him look at her. “Are you going to tell me you’re not attracted to me?”
“Tess…”
“That’s better,” she said, relaxing to rest her forearms on his torso. His height and the low bed meant her fists were just below his ribs. “Thank you for remembering my name.”
“I didn’t forget your name.”
“No, but you said code names detach us… Do you want us to be detached?”
The way he searched her brought both anger and sympathy to the fore. Tess wanted to help and to understand. She understood that some things weren’t about words. But if he didn’t let her in, if he didn’t lean on her, she wouldn’t be able to make anything better.
“What I want doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me,” she said. “Right now, it’s all that matters to me.” The groove between his brows deepened, betraying that statement didn’t help him at all. “Was this a con? A lie? Did you have sex with me for a reason?”
His fingers curled against her cheek. “Because I couldn’t help myself,” he said, letting himself feel her for a moment before exhaling. “I’m supposed to be stronger than this.”
It wasn’t fun witnessing Daire beating himself up. “We don’t have to go back,” she said, slipping her hands under his tee-shirt and watching the fabric move as she stroked and scratched him beneath it. “We have everything we need right here. We could hit the road, you, me, and South America.”
His silence built the tension until it was so thick Tess could feel it pressing into her from all angles. Forcing herself to peek up at him once and again, she wanted to read his thoughts, to know what he was thinking and whether she’d just offended him. His expression wasn’t one of offense; it wasn’t of joy either.
“If I could, there wouldn’t be anyone else I’d give it up for.”
At least his rejection was clear.
Sinking down to sit on her feet, Tess’s hands slid free of his shirt to fall onto her lap. “You’re choosing him. Harry.”
“Baby, it isn’t—”
“It is,” she said. “Olympus is your life. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t exist. What we have in Three’s house is the closest you’ve had to it for a year. You want it.”
“It’s…”
He sucked in a breath and sealed his lips. Not because he didn’t want to tell her something but because he couldn’t. As his hand went through his hair again and she caught on to just how bewildered he was, Tess suddenly got it.
“You’ve never talked about your feelings before… You’ve never even been allowed to have them.”
She’d known that his obligation to Olympus was rooted in his upbringing. Every moment of his life, every second, was dictated by his training and what was best for their agency. Harry was his mentor and his father. But it wasn’t like a regular parental relationship. Daire didn’t rebel, not like other kids might. Like he’d said, Olympus was life or death. He couldn’t disagree with his commanding officer. It could mean either his life or someone else’s was put in jeopardy.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on,” he said, sinking onto the end of the bed near where she kneeled.
Some things weren’t so different. Tess had been allowed to have feelings and had been allowed to show them. But just like Daire, she couldn’t love or have relationships. Her mother would tear her away from one life to drag her to the next before anything close to a serious relationship could develop. Another difference was, she’d been allowed to be mad about it. Allowed to argue with her mother and voice her displeasure. All Daire could do was say “yes, sir” and do as told.
“I don’t know what Olympus does,” she said, wondering how significant their missions were. “You talk about missions and orders… I don’t know what their aim is… I’d never heard of Olympus before this. Is it governmental?”
He shook his head. “The original Six had ties to governmental agencies, business, or crime factions. It started with Two, the original Two… It was his idea to have a private agency, one that acted in the best interests of the country. Without oversight to slow them down… We don’t have to worry about a governmental budget or public opinion, it’s completely secret. Only those in it and the Six know it exists… for sure anyway. There are others who suspect… allies of those on the inside.”
“The best interests of the country,” she murmured.
“Yeah, and humanity. Missions can be anything. Everything from infiltrating and monitoring a domestic fringe group to toppling an international regime.”
