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On occasion, they would go to an internet café, but it wasn’t like she had anyone to email. Even if people gave contact information, Tess wasn’t allowed to use it. In fact, Anne would burn anything that might identify anyone they’d interacted with.
The letter was so against the “rules” that it ignited a need to know more. After rifling through the closet and clothes, Tess came up empty. They traveled light. They weren’t supposed to have sentimental attachments to objects. In previous cities, her mother had packed and readied them to flee before Tess got home from work. Sometimes it happened that fast.
Concentrate. Concentrate.
The urn was by the letter on the nightstand.
Her mom was gone.
Despite going through the procedures of identifying her mom’s body and arranging the cremation, it was still difficult to grasp that Anne wasn’t around anymore.
“Who is H, Momma? What were you hiding?”
Anne could be tight-lipped to the point of infuriating. It wasn’t a revelation that there were secrets between them. Protecting Tess when she was a child, sure, understandable, but Anne could’ve been more open in her later years.
Her later years. It was insane. Dead at fifty-one. They weren’t supposed to be the later years of Anne’s life. The woman was supposed to be in her prime. Happy. Free.
They would never be free. No, not “they.”Shewould never be free.
Determination crackled and gathered mass, heating her insides. Tess didn’t understand. Wouldn’t understand until she knew the truth. Why had they been running her whole life?
Angry resolve wrapped around her heart, fracturing and exploding, forcing her onto her feet. Fear and doubt faded. Losing her mom was a high price to pay, but it meant there was nothing left to lose. A woman without ties was without vulnerability.
If the letter was intended for her mother, it was a consolation to learn Anne had experienced love. Not that romance was a life goal. Control was the ultimate purpose. She wouldn’t spiral, wouldn’t keep running until the day a random event stole her life. The futility was as glaring as a neon billboard on a dark street. Anne chose to run. Tess wouldn’t.
Ah! An epiphany. There was one thing her mom took everywhere. On the occasions they’d fled with only what they could grab, Anne always snatched the small hard-shell cosmetics case that fit in her hand. The backpack under the bed. It was kept in the backpack.
Dropping to her knees, she dragged out the bag. In the past, she’d never been allowed to touch the cosmetics case, which explained why guilt swamped her when she fished it out. Like a child sneaking a hand into the cookie jar, she glanced around as she pressed the button to release the clasp.
When it popped, the edges fell open, sending a flutter of paper to the floor. Something solid hit the hardwood, but all she could see was faded white. Regaining her senses, she picked up the closest sheet. The writing inside matched that of the first letter. All of them bore identical handwriting.
Prying into the personal papers at any other time would be wrong. Tess didn’t see that she had any other choice. Putting the case on the floor, she gathered up the scattered pages and began to read. One after the other, after the other. Letter upon letter. None were dated, and none contained any names.
“As long as I’m a slave to the Darkness, nothing will be right and the Light will never be free.”
“I’ve seen what the Darkness has done to PK.”
“Remember the glitter? When you’re ready, you know our code.”
The pages weren’t in order. Even if they were organized, she doubted they’d be easier to follow. Still, the words drew her in.
“…rambling about our past and the mistakes I made. You’re the only one who suffers. I got all the positives and none of the burden. You shoulder it all and I’m not there to carry it with you.”
Questions mounted up about H and his affair with C.
“Your gorgeous smile, your satin smooth skin, the sweet taste of your kiss. You torment me, even from a thousand miles away. One day I will have your kiss again, that’s all that keeps me going.”
“Everything I am is because of you, every cell in my body aches for yours. I would’ve left this earth long ago if I hadn’t…”
“Saying goodbye to you is more than I ever thought I’d live to endure. You were right, they won.”
Love shone from H’s words.
“…I dream of you, of us being together like we were before.”
“I have no right to ask you to wait. I can’t tell you when or how I’ll be with you again. I have taken too much from you already. You deserve happiness. You deserve the world and I wish I could give it to you. I wish I could’ve been a man worthy of you.”
The couple’s intimacy haunted him.
