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“How doyoufeel about vanity plates?” he asked.
“I think they’re the weirdest thing ever. I can’t believe they exist, and yet, I find them so hilarious that I’m kind of glad that they do.”
Again, he hesitated, and a horrific thought occurred to her. “Wait, tell me you don’t have a vanity plate.”
“Would you feel like a toad eater if I did?”
Her breath caught. Did he know who she was? Who on earth used the phrasetoad eater? She sat there staring at the chat box. What was she supposed to say now? She couldn’t say nothing.
Deflect. “You’re dodging again,” she wrote.
“I’m not going to answer you. I want it to eat at you, wondering if you hurt my feelings.”
Wow, this guy was a little spicy. Now she had to figure out who he was, so she could go check out his vehicle. Talk about stalking. “Fine. What does your vanity plate say?”
“What’s the funniest one you’ve seen?”
Oh, that was a deft dodge. “My cousin’s wife had one once. It said IMAQT. Later, when they divorced, he changed his to NOURNOT.” She hit send and waited, wishing she could hear his laughter.
After a significant wait, she received, “Please tell me that’s not a true story.”
She laughed. “It totally is.”
Immediately, he answered, “That’s why you have a problem with vanity plates. You didn’t like her, therefore you don’t like the plates.”
Wow. Insightful little bugger, wasn’t he?
But he had a point, and the fact that she’d never thought of it before rattled her a bit. “I’ve seen other funny ones. One guy had ID8MOMS.”
“Good thing they allow seven digits, or that would be much more concerning.”
She was so distracted by his choice of the word digits that she almost missed his joke, and when she finally got it, she had a good old-fashioned belly laugh. Good, this guy was funnier than she’d originally thought. “If a man is weird enough to date his mother, he’s probably weird enough to put it on his license plate.”
“I somehow doubt that. That’s next-level weird.”
She was laughing too hard to respond, and he asked, “What else you got?”
She winced at his grammar, but quickly wrote, “PB4WEGO.”
There was another long pause. “I feel stupid, but I don’t know what that means. Something about peanut butter?”
Oops. She hadn’t meant to make him feel stupid. “Pee before we go,” she quickly wrote. “And now I’m craving a Reese’s cup.”
“Wow. These are making my head hurt. Sorry about the craving.”
She sensed that he wanted a subject change, and she didn’t want to give him an excuse to stop chatting with her. She sent, “So, what are we going to do to get back at your brothers?”
Again she had silenced him. Was he a slow typer or a slow thinker? Or maybe he was one of those rare men who thought before he spoke. Finally, he wrote, “I’m not sure I want to kick that particular spitting wasps’ nest.”
“I wasn’t suggesting anything evil. Just a prank. What they did to you was a prank, right?”
“I’m not much of a prankster, and believe me, it wouldn’t be worth it. They would prank me back, and it would never end.”
This was disappointing. “What ifIpranked them? I’ll text and thank them for installing the app on your phone. Then I’ll invite them to Vegas this weekend for our wedding!”
When he didn’t respond, she worried she’d gone too far. Sometimes people found her enthusiasm for life a little much.
“Just kidding,” she wrote.
