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My heartspace stirs with an anger towards my sisters’ old tribe that they could be so cruel in so many different ways. Forcing poor Lorna to mate an elder three times her age when she was barely more than a youngling herself. Lying to Liv about what happened to her sister, saying she died in some accident, when in truth she had been left behind in our forests, no one caring to look for her. And now my linasha - treated like nothing more than a vessel to carry younglings.
In such circumstances, even I would not want younglings.
It is a realisation that strikes me somewhere deep in my chest. Amazement fills me that any of my sisters could be so open to the idea of younglings when they have come from a world that would have seen their younglings suffer terribly. Almost all the mated females now carry younglings eagerly. Because of the devotion of their mates, because they have learned in time that Lina’s forests are not a place where they have to worry over their futures. Because they have seen Jassal and Ahnjas, and now little Marsal. How they are happy and healthy and loved.
My linasha will learn these things, also. She will feel my devotion. She will see the happiness of the families living in the village around her. It might change her mind.
And if it does not?
The voice fires its barb, emerging from wherever it had been banished to. But it does not have its usual strength. I can brush it away with barely a thought.
So what if it does not? I will still have my Brooks. If I cannot find joys to take in such a magnificent mate, then that is a failing far beyond any I have felt anguish over since Sam was taken.
“You don’t seem fine,” Delfom says, reminding me of his presence.
I must have appeared confused, half wild, to him as my many emotions played out across my face.
“If I seem not fine, it is because of the many thoughts in my headspace, not because I am not recovered.”
“I wish I could ease some of your worries, but we didn’t find her.”
I nod. This does not worry me as much as Delfom assumes it will. I have seen the place my linasha makes her camp. I know I need only follow the stream to find it. I will be with her before it comes time to take a midday meal.
Food. My linasha is concerned about food. I wish I had something better than meal bars to bring to her, but they will fill her stomach. I will pack plenty. And a travel tent, soft furs, that we might journey back in greater comfort. The chill of the cold season will not nip at my linasha’s skin.
“Karvin and Razhan are outside preparing a quick morning meal,” Delfom says. “Come. We must eat. Then we must make a plan.”
He hurries me outside. Karvin rises from where he is stirring a pot over the fire as we approach, his expression equally grim.
“We must eat quickly,” he says, shoving a bowl in my direction. “Then divide our efforts effectively if we are to find the missing female before she is injured or hurt in some way.”
“There are four of us. We should each strike out in a different direction,” Delfom says.
“We should be careful to cover ground that we’ve already searched,” Razhan says. “By light of day, we might see signs we missed by moonlight.”
“Should one of us not remain here to guard the hut?” Karvin says. “That is our purpose in being here.”
“We do not know there’s a danger to the hut,” Razhan says. “The missing female has to be our priority now.”
“We do not need to so divide our efforts,” I say, cutting across them before the discussion can grow heated. “I have spoken with her. I have seen the place she is run to.”
“You have spoken with her?” Karvin says. “In dreams?”
Even in his fear, a beaming smile breaks over Razhan’s face and he grips my shoulder. “You’ve been blessed with a linasha?”
I cannot help but stand a little straighter. “I have. And she follows the stream like a clever hunter hoping to mask her tracks. If we follow it in both directions, we will come across her before long. It will only take two. Which leaves one to remain here to guard the rest of the females, and one to run as fast as his legs can take him back to the village to fetch our chieftess. We will need the females to understand what has occurred here, and to make my female feel safe and comfortable.”
Karvin nods. “My legs are not as strong as they once were. I think I will stay to guard.”
“And I’m the faster of the two of us,” Delfom says to Razhan. “You stay to help Maldek search. I’ll go to the village.”
“Which direction will you take?” Razhan says to me.
I consider this, sending out a prayer to Lina to guide my choice. I trust Razhan to be gentle and careful with my female, no matter what resistance she offers, but I wish to be the one to find her.
“I will travel downstream,” I say, indicating the direction. As soon as I speak the words, my heartspace feels full, and I know I have made the right choice.
Razhan nods, then turns to go, but Karvin grabs him by the shoulder, pulling him back.
