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“Yes.Yes.Yes.”
“Yes,” she says in my tongue, then in hers, “yes.”
It is the silliest conversation I have had in all my seasons, and laughter bubbles out of me. My Brooks’ lips twitch with her own amusement, and some of the tension in her shoulders melts away. My heartspace thrums with happiness to see it.
“Humans,” she says again. “Ellie?”
She is remembering our conversations in dreams.
“Yes,” I say, then grin. “YesEllie. And Liv, Khadija, Hannah, Grace.”
I name all my sisters, counting them off on my fingers. My Brooks watches me intently, and I wonder if she is hoping that their names will trigger some remembering for her.
“I do not think you know them, linasha,” I say, gentle in my tone, even though she cannot understand my words. “They came to this place many long seasons after you. They would have been just younglings when you arrived. Perhaps not even born yet, for some.”
The truth of this twists my headspace all out of shape. It is something I have to just not think too hard about, lest my thoughts end up tied in impossible knots.
Better that I focus my energies and time on things I can understand.
Like duty?The voice rises out of the depths of my headspace to swipe at me again.And how you failed in yours?
Sam does not consider me a failure, I remind myself, and she is the one with most cause.
But what will your linasha think?
Uncertainty pricks at me, even as I try to push the voice away again. I watch my linasha closely, as if I could read the thoughts in her headspace, when I cannot even understand the words she speaks.
My Brooks puts her hands to her head again, her expression twisting into frustration once more. She is trying to remember, and not succeeding, I think, and my chest constricts to think how frightening it must be for her.
I take the chance to examine her head, looking for any signs of swelling or bruising. Perhaps a scar that indicates an injury healed. Her hair is short enough not to hide such things, and I can see nothing. It is not a head wound that robs her of her memories, so it must be as I first assumed - a result of her long sleeping. Or perhaps the improper way she was awakened.
Razhan would feel terrible if he knew.
My Brooks lets out an irritated huff, dropping her hands into her lap, her eyes focusing on something in the distance beyond me. It is the expression of someone looking into their own past, and I can see the moment she stumbles, grows unstuck, trips into the fog in her mind, as she described it. She shakes her head, and though she keeps her expression fixed, lips pressed together, eyes narrowed, I can still sense the hurt, the fear that lurks just behind her determined exterior.
Your hurts are my hurts, I told her. I meant it then, and I mean it now, feeling her hurts in my heartspace as truly as if they were my own. I only wish there was something I could do to ease them for her.
Except, perhaps there is. In the dreamspace last night, she conjured up memories. By talking with her, helping her through them, she was able to recall things she had forgotten. If we returned to the dreamspace, not only would we be able to communicate more easily, but maybe we could work through more of her missing memories.
I go to speak to my Brooks, to try to suggest that we sleep and talk once the work on the merka beast is done, but my linasha speaks first.
“Ahneedyoototaykemetothehumans,” she says.
She follows it up by pointing at herself, pointing at me, miming taking steps with her fingers.
“You. Me,” she says, pointing first at me, then herself. “Go.”
The walking mime again.
“Humans.”
She gestures at a space, then picks up some leaves, naming each of them.
“Ellie, Liv, Hannah.”
Then she repeats the gestures one more time.
Understanding fills my headspace. She wants me to take her to her tribe sisters. This is good. This is better than good. It is what I hoped she would desire once she came to trust me. She does not trust me yet, I know, but her need to see the other humans is strong enough that she is prepared to risk travelling with me anyway.
