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“And you don’t believe them because?”
He looks at Sam again. I wonder how much of this guilt, this beating himself up, is because he loved her. She’s a dainty little thing, wild hair, but a bright, cheerful smile. Pretty and curvy and feminine.
Everything I’m not.
I shouldn’t feel a sharp slice of jealousy cutting through my chest, especially over someone who died in terrible circumstances.
“I hate that she suffered even a little because of me,” Maldek says, skirting my question. “Even though she has said that none of her hurts remained with her for long.”
I arch a brow. “Wait, she’s still alive? You got her back?”
He nods. “I was not the only one looking for her. The other was successful where I was not. He returned her to our village after the big rains, when we had long since grieved her as lost. A joyous day.”
The shrunken down memory vanishes, replaced by a life-sized one all around us. A cute little village of wooden huts, a group of human women and raskarrans gathered round a large bonfire. At the centre of them all, Sam, and a raskarran with horrible scars on one side of his face. She sits pressed close to him, her leg touching his, her shoulder tucked into his side. His arm is around her, and though he looks wary, when she smiles up at him, he meets the expression with a beaming smile of his own, his eyes soft despite the hardness of his features.
“Dazzik found Sam in dreams and in the waking world,” Maldek says, and his eyes are soft, too, as he watches them. “He saved her from suffering a terrible fate. Fought through many raskarrans to reach her.”
“At the Mercenia base?” I say, remembering what he said about raskarran blood deserving to be spilled.
“It is how we discovered it,” Maldek says. “When Sam returned to our village, she told the tale of the Mercenia hut in the middle of our trees and Liv, our chieftess, insisted on investigating. She is afraid, I think, what it means that Mercenia was here before.”
“And she’s hoping I’ll be able to tell her?”
Maldek's expression is gentle, soft. “Do not worry that you do not remember. Liv is fierce, but she has a kind heartspace. She will understand that it is not your fault.”
I give him a pointed look. “Maybe consider taking your own advice?”
His gaze dips, and I can see he’s still not ready to believe he carries no blame for what happened with Sam, despite everything we just talked through.
“Hey,” I say, guiding his chin back up with my fingers until he’s looking at me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, linasha.”
“Do you think what happened with my research team is my fault?”
The shift in his emotions is instant, his eyes switching from downcast to fierce in a moment.
“No,” he says, voice firm. “No, I do not.”
“Why?”
“Because I have seen how strongly you care about yourmission. How deeply your worry over your team hurts you. I cannot believe that a warrior with your heartspace would not have done everything in her power to defend them.”
The passion in his voice almost makes me lose sight of what I’m trying to say to him, my eyes going to his mouth, a rogue thought springing up in my brain.
Wondering what it would be like if he kissed me.
I push that troublesome thought away, fix him with another pointed look. “You aren’t allowed to tell me that just because you want me to be happy. It has to be the truth.”
His gaze softens. “You are realising that I want you to be happy, then?”
There’s an intensity to his voice that makes my mouth go dry. A restless sort of energy stirs under my skin.
“I think you’re a nice guy, Maldek. What I don’t know is whether or not you’d lie to be nice, or if you’d tell someone a difficult truth.”
He nods his head, and I can see he’s taking me seriously. He puts his fist to his heart.
“I swear to you, linasha, I am no liar. We may not have known each other long, but I have come to know your spirit. You are fierce and determined. Clever and brave. Good qualities in a warrior. You fought against that merka beast with skill, without hesitation. All of this tells me as much as any feeling I might have in my heartspace that you did everything you could for those you were charged to protect.”
