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“Linasha, it would be my honour,” he says.
* * *
It’s morning when I wake. Only just, the light barely creeping through the trees to land on the walls of the tent, but it’s definitely the light of a rising sun rather than a setting one. I must have slept for fifteen hours. Hard to believe I could need it when I’ve already been sleeping for fifteen years.
That thought doesn’t grow any less shocking, the longer I have to get used to it. I know in theory that cryostasis can be sustained indefinitely, but I don’t know of anyone who went in for longer than a few months. I’ve only ever done month long stints as part of my training - so we would know what to expect if ever we had to be frozen on mission. Our leadership said it was in case we were ever injured badly and needed safe transit out of a hot zone back to a proper medical facility. But I question now if they always had something larger, more intergalactic in mind.
I have a lot of questions about Mercenia’s plans for the military tier.
Across from me, Maldek stirs, sitting up and stretching his arms and back long and deep, accentuating the muscles in his shoulders. My mind goes back to the memory of him fighting, the deadly way that body moved - all power and precision, every strike targeted, efficient. The gleam of sweat on his skin accentuating the play of his muscles.
He’s not so different from many of the soldiers on my unit, really. Taller, greener, but in terms of build, he’s similar. It never did anything for me before, but now I’m awash with unanswered need and frustration.
Because the entire time he was training me to use a spear, he never gave me one indication of interest. He was up close, correcting my stance, guiding my body with his hands, and he never grabbed my ass or squeezed a boob. I’ve endured these unwelcome touches my entire career from the guys I’ve trained with, or been trained by, and now, on the first occasion where I might want to be touched: nothing.
I shouldn’t be worrying about it, shouldn’t even be thinking about it.
One, learn everything I can. Two, go back to the Mercenia base to meet the humans. Three, figure out everything else.
This mates business definitely comes under ‘everything else’.
It’s warm in the tent - not unpleasantly so, but enough that my skin feels a bit sticky. I haven’t had a proper wash since before going into cryostasis and I don’t have a change of clothes, so I’ve run through the night, walked, scrambled, slept in these clothes. Nothing I haven’t done before on longer missions, but I feel gross, and there’s a stream right there outside. I could get clean.
It would mean stripping off in front of Maldek, but if the guy didn’t grab my ass when it was pressed right up close to him, I doubt he’s going to be interested in it here in the real world.
You are realising that I want you to be happy, then?
Just the memory of those words is enough to set my skin tingling, but rather than warmth and affection, irritation rises in response.
He says things like that, calls me his mate, talks about joining spirits and bodies. Holds me close when I’m upset. Then treats me with utter dispassion as he trains me to use a spear. The way I only wish my Mercenia instructors would have treated me.
I gave him a chance, and he didn’t take it. So what is with everything else he does?
Lina chooses. The words rise up in my mind. His goddess chose me for him, in his mind.
So it’s duty, then. Obligation. And I’m a fucking idiot.
I feel like I should ache more than I do after the strenuous training session in our dream, but I guess what we do there doesn’t carry into the real world, because I feel well rested, limber, as I head out of the tent towards the stream. Without even looking round to see if Maldek is watching, I shuck off my uncomfortable trousers, then step out into the water. It’s bracingly cold, but after a moment for my legs to adjust, I bite the bullet and sit down right in the middle of it.
The chill knocks the breath out of me, but it knocks the spiraling thoughts out of my head, too. And after a while, the tingle on my skin shifts from almost painful to almost pleasant.
A chuckle sounds from behind me and a moment later, Maldek crouches at the edge of the bank beside me, nudging at my arm. I look round to him, and once again, he’s close enough to be all up in my personal space. But he only holds out his hand, some strange root in the centre of his palm. When I don’t immediately take it, he dips his hand into the water, then mulches the root with his fingers, an almost foamy substance forming around it. He dips a finger in the foam, then swipes it along my nose.
I scrub at the residue left behind with the back of my hand, registering the slippery texture. Soap. It feels like soap. Maldek just grins at me, holding the root out again. I take it, rubbing it between my palms, feeling the way the foam cuts through the dirt.
“Thanks,” I say, then proceed to scrub my legs and arms clean.
Maldek rises to his feet next to me. Despite myself, I start to hope he’s going to strip off, get in the stream with me. Maybe he’s just seriously dedicated to his training, and now we’re no longer doing that he might reach across. Brush the backs of his fingers across my cheeks. Something.
Instead, he marches across the clearing to spend some time with the dead cat.
The drugs they take to… facilitate. You could take them too.
Brannigan’s voice in my memory has more cooling effect than the stream.
I strip off my top, leaving me in just my bra and panties. After dunking it in the stream, I rub the soap root into the fabric, massaging it into a good lather. Blood and grime rinse out, and when the water I wring out of it starts to run clean, I set it on the bank to dry a little while I quickly clean myself off, sluicing away the blood and sweat, leaving behind just the pleasant earthy smell of the root soap. I rinse my face, too, my damp hair sticking to me in an irritating way, making me question once again why I haven’t been taking care of it.
I run my fingers through it. It’s not as long as Sam’s was. I recall the way hers fell about her ears, unkempt, but pretty. Would mine be like that? Did I want to find out? I glance at Maldek. He still has his back to me, bent over the remains of the fire.
