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There’s a long moment of silence as he processes this.
“Humans can seed a child with someone who is not their mate?”
“Yes.”
“And a male from another tribe traded with your tribe so he could own you? To seed his youngling in you?”
“Yes.”
“And your tribe chief allowed this?”
His outrage is palpable, and despite knowing it’s not aimed at me, I still start to shrink before I catch myself, try to force myself to stay open.
“Our tribe chiefs didn’t care about us the way Gregar cares about his tribe. The way I’m sure Darran cares for yours.”
“I cannot fathom how difficult that must have been for you.”
My throat is tight, my voice squeaking out of it as I speak my next words.
“It was over ten years ago,” I say, the instinct to minimise overriding my intention to be truthful for a moment. “I’ve been free from him longer than he owned me.”
Calran shakes his head. “Time gives us distance from a thing, but it does not make it any less difficult.”
There’s a solemn seriousness to his words, and I know he’s thinking about the sickness, the loss of all those raskarrans years ago. In a strange way, it’s reassuring to me. He won’t tell me to get over it, or that it shouldn’t bother me anymore. He knows what it is to carry a pain that probably won’t ever go away.
“It was awful,” I admit. “So you can understand why it’s difficult for me to hear you call me yours, even though I know you don’t mean it in the same way.”
“Of course, m…” He catches himself, shoots me a wry smile. “Grace. Forgive me for reminding you of such things.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t know, so there’s nothing to forgive.”
“And the second thing?”
I grimace. Asking Calran to adjust his language is one thing. A small ask. How will he feel about the other, much larger thing I have to ask of him.
“It’s to do with comfort,” I say, trying to work myself up to saying what I need to say.
“You are worried I would be very unhappy if you made me uncomfortable? That I might hurt you in some way for it?”
It’s a surprisingly astute guess for a guy who likely finds it incomprehensible that someone could be cruel to a female. Some of the raskarrans might have learned cruelty when the sickness came, but Gregar’s tribe didn’t, and I doubt Darran’s did either.
“Yes and no. The guy who owned me used to be violent towards me when he was unhappy. In my head, I know that youwon’t do that. But my body doesn’t always listen. Sometimes I might flinch or shy away from you because of that.”
“Because it is an instinct you have trained, like a warrior.”
I like that. Like a warrior, not like a scared, weak woman.
“Yes.”
“Then I will always heed your body first, and you can tell me when I do not need to. That way, I will never do something you do not like.”
He says it like it’s entirely simple, and I wish it was.
“Thank you for being so understanding.”
“You are m… we are mates, Grace. I would do anything you ask of me.”
I wonder if he will regret making such a sweeping statement when I’m done.
