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“I might not plan on letting you go,” he clarified. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t want to be here.”
We both knew it was true, but I didn’t want to admit it out loud. I’d held onto my virginity for years, not quite sure why I was holding onto it for so long. I had no intention of saving myself for marriage, and I didn’t particularly care to have someone long-term.
I wanted someone who could match my strength. Someone willing to listen when I said no. Someone who didn’t use his fists to send a message.
Dante checked all of those boxes. But he was also part of the family I’d resented my entire life. I’d spent years preparing to kill him, not fuck him. The rage I’d felt the first time I met him had become muted and almost indistinguishable beneath this burning lust, beneath the warmth that seeped through my skin every time he touched me this way.
In all those years, I hadn’t found anyone else who didn’t immediately trigger my terror, and that should have been enough.
What did my virginity matter, anyway? It wasn’t a lifelong commitment.
Something about losing it to someone I should have hated felt both wrong and sinfully right.
I tensed as his hand trailed up my thigh again, nearly grazing the spot that he’d worked beneath the table at dinner.
“What do you want from me?” I finally asked.
He leaned into me, his breath tickling my ear. “I want you to beg for something more than my tongue.”
“Something like—”
He nipped my ear, and a small moan escaped my lips despite my best effort to keep it contained. “Do you want me to narrate all the things I want from you, Sienna?”
My breath caught as he gripped my furthest thigh and tugged it toward himselfhard.My entire body followed the gesture, and I found myself sitting in his lap, grinding into his already-hardened cock. Words evaded me as I stared down into his eyes and the fullness of his mouth.
“Tell me that you want me to take your virginity.”
I gasped as he ground his hips into me.
“Tell me that you want me to fuck you right here in the back of this car.”
“I…”
What could I say? I did.Fuck,I wanted that so badly, but every ounce of logic told me to say no. I shouldn’t want this with a man I’ve hated my whole life. Maybe if I convinced myself I was doing it to gain his trust, it would feel less like a betrayal. But I knew myself and knew that I wanted this for all the reasons I shouldn’t.
I wanted it because my body reacted to him in a way it had never reacted to anyone else.
I wanted this for the power that oozed from him. I was drawn to his strength and the way he’d never even considered raising a hand to me. Every other man in my life had beaten and brutalized me in the name of “teaching me a lesson”, but Dante had never done that.
God, I wanted him for all those reasons and a million more, but there was one main one. One I couldn’t shake.
He refused to take me until I told him how badly I wanted him.
And I did.
I’d been powerless in this decision for so long. Every time I came close, it had never felt like my choice. It felt like I was doing what was expected of me. With my ex, I’d felt constantly pressured and manipulated into any sexual acts. With boyfriends before that, I hadn’t been interested enough to try.
Even outside of sexual situations, I’d never been completely in control of my life. I followed orders, and I did it well. I never had the power of choice, but this…this was all my choice. My body wanted him.Iwanted him in this way.
It was my choice, and he was allowing me to make it. Hell, he was askingme to make it for both of us. He wanted to hear me say what I wanted from him, and I knew he wouldn’t take this further until I said the words.
To hell with it.
If I lost my virginity to a man I planned to kill, at least it would be memorable. At least I’d lose myself to someone strong and capable. Someone who would take no for an answer if it came to that. There didn’t need to be future connections.
I could do this because I wanted to, and there wouldn’t be implications beyond that.
I could allow myself the power of this choice.
