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“Stop it,” I snap, angered by the implication. “She wasn’t me and you didn’t fail me, Gray. I was the one who fucking failed you. Okay?”
He shakes his head like he doesn’t believe me.
“You listen and you listen good, Grayson Black,” I seethe. I’m not angry at anyone but myself. It’s my fault we’re here. If I’d only listened and stayed put at Dirty Diamonds, then none of this would be happening. “You told me to wait for you and not to go anywhere. I’m the one who broke my promise to you. Not the other way around. Do you understand me?”
A fire lights in his eyes as he growls, “Why the fuck do you never listen to me?”
Afraid he’s going to pull away, I tighten my hold on his pinky. “I… I thought you were in danger,” I admit.
He laughs scornfully. “So fucking what? Did you think I’d want you to risk your life for mine, Princess?”
His words make my temper stir in my chest. “Do you think I care what you want?” I hiss. “If there’s a way to help you, you better fucking believe I’ll take it. Every fucking time, Gray.”
“Why?”
Now it’s my turn to laugh, which I do although the answer isn’t funny. “Because I fucking love you, you idiot.”
I can practically see his jaw hit the floor at my admission. And while I never meant to shout the words while infused by anger, I have no regrets.
“You love me?” The shock on his face is a stark contrast to the smirking version of him from not so long ago.
“Of course I do,” I choke out.
Rather than saying it back, Gray studies me. His eyes dance over every inch of my body, and he doesn’t speak untilthey’re glued to my lips. “You don’t get to hear me say it until I can kiss you,” he says, nodding as if to make himself clear.
His words hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt. Tears blur my vision as I abruptly break our interlocked pinkies and scramble to my feet.
“Fuck you,” I spit. “Fuck you for holding it over my head like it’s my fault.” My throat is clogged by a ball of emotions and I angrily swipe the tears from my eyes.
“Sit your ass back down.”
“No,” I hiss.
“I swear to fucking God, Zo. If you don’t sit your fine ass back down, I’m going to do something we’ll both regret. So sit yourself or I’ll make you.”
Goosebumps spread across my body, and I struggle to breathe as the air thickens with his outburst. While I know he’d never purposefully hurt me, I also know he isn’t joking. He very much means what he just said. Gray doesn’t make empty threats, which means it was a warning.
Relenting, I sit back down. This time Gray forces our fingers back together, and he wraps his other hand around my wrist so I can’t move.
“You’re the only woman I’ve ever kissed, Princess. And I never want to kiss anyone that isn’t you. So when I say I won’t say the words back until I can kiss you, it’s not to guilt trip you. It’s because you’ll have been my first for both of those things.”
All I can manage to say is, “Oh.”
“Yes, oh,” Gray mocks. “Now, do you think you can fucking learn to trust me as much as you claim to love me?”
I scrunch my nose up in annoyance at his choice of words. The only reason I don’t lash out again is that they’re fair. Blunt as fuck, but fairer than fair. I just said I love him, so I need to do better.
“I do trust you,” I say, softly. “It’s…” I trail off and take a deep breath as I try to stop my brain from running a million miles an hour.
“Good,”he simply says.
Then he lets go of my wrist, but we don’t pull back. We keep our pinkies connected even when sitting becomes uncomfortable, and we both lie down. We don’t talk, both lost in our own heads. But we’re sharing so much in the silence. Instead of pulling away and each doing our own thing, we’re together.
“I felt something when you kissed me,” I say, out of nowhere.
“Hmm?”
Clearing my throat, I explain, “When I kissed you while the detectives were here, I felt nothing. Nothing at all, and it scared me. But when you kissed me earlier, I felt it.”
