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My ass is sore from the pounding he gave me last night, something I’ve definitely never experienced after a night of sex. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what happened. It’s like, part of me feels it was inevitable. The tension between us had been like a pressure cooker, the steam building and building until eventually it had to boil over.
“Are you really jealous?”
Troy’s question runs circles in my head. It’s a good fucking question. I’ve never been jealous with anyone I’ve slept with before, but…but none of them were Troy. I’ve thought it before, and I’ll probably think it again, but he’sdifferent.I wish I understood it better.
I think about Glen, about how he snuck around behind my mom’s back and then broke her heart. Troy’s not that kind of guy. He wouldn’t cheat, but then, I don’t think Mom ever thought Glen would either. But the thought of trusting someone like that—getting close and letting them in only for them to crush you—makes my skin feel like it’s breaking out in hives.
I don’t even know why I’m thinking about all that. It’s not like Troy and I have feelings for each other besides liking to get off together.
But then, why does the thought of anyone else having their hands on him make me feel like I’m getting thrown into a meat grinder? Why do my thoughts always circle around him, and I get into fights for him, and I crave him so damn much?
“Stop thinking so hard. If you think hard, then I’ll feel like I need to think hard.”
I smile, turning over to face him. “Pfft. Look at you over here acting like you’re gonna be thinking about anything other than my hole.”
“And your cock,” he replies, which I hadn’t expected.
“Oh yeah? That’s good because you know I’m gonna want to dick you down too.”
“Obviously. And you might learn something,” he tosses back.
“That’s not what you were saying last night.I’ve never had it so good, best hole ever, I don’t think I’ll ever fuck anyone else without comparing him to you! I’m not worthy of your ass,” I tease, earning an eye roll from Troy.
“Whatever you have to keep telling yourself, A.”
Deciding to play with him a little, I crawl over his naked body, letting our skin brush, thrusting against him before getting out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Troy calls after me as I walk away.
“Gotta take a piss.”
“And you couldn’t get out of the bed on your side?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” I close the door behind me before taking a few breaths. That little stunt got my dick going just as much as it did his.
I take a quick leak, then wash my hands. When I head back down the hallway, Troy is sitting on the edge of my bed with his underwear in his hands. His head is bent forward, lookingtoward the ground, much more serious than he’d been just a few minutes before.
Disappointment twists inside me, a windstorm trying to whip up the fear I pretend isn’t there. The one that tells me I’m not good enough, that he’s going to regret this, regret me, the way Glen did Mom, and hell, in a lot of ways, me.
“You can leave if you don’t want to be here.”
Troy’s head snaps up, brown hair mussed from sleep. “What are you talking about? Who said I want to leave?”
I shrug like it doesn’t matter to me. “I’m just letting you know it’s not a big deal if you do.”
As I’m pulling a pair of boxer briefs from my drawer, Troy comes up behind me, surprising me by wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Your I-don’t-give-a-fuck facade doesn’t work with me. Not anymore. I see you, A.”
I tense but don’t move away from him.I know, and I like it. It should be scarier than it is.“Nothing to see.”
“A whole lot to see, more than what’s in most people.”
Not more than what’s in him. That’s the thing with us: I see Troy too. Even before all this started, I saw him. He might think he’s covering it well, but I know how much the way his mom fawns over my dad hurts him, know that he feels like he doesn’t matter when she makes food she knows he hates or puts Brandon’s things away. He misses his brother, though he rarely talks about him, and he hurts because his dad walked away. Maybe it even makes Troy feel a little unwanted too.
“Can I ask you something?” he says, still holding on to me.
“I can tell by the sound of your voice that I’m going to wish you didn’t.”
