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“I’m seeing someone.” It’s the one thing I can say in this moment.
Her lips stretch into a huge grin. “Well, that’s wonderful news. What’s her name?”
“Him. He’s a him and…it’s complicated. There are a million reasons we’re not supposed to be together, but I love him.”
“Oh, honey.” She reaches over and places her hand on mine, squeezes it in support, and while I wish it were Mom I’m talking to, this is okay too. “Being in love is the greatest feeling. Sometimes it makes us do things we wouldn’t usually do. And sometimes,” she adds wistfully, “it can make us do things we’re not proud of.”
Her eyes dart away. I have no doubt if she turned them to me, I would see guilt there. And while I’m not ready to completely forgive her, I understand how you can get wrapped up in someone. I know Glen is a master manipulator, and he found Ellie when she was already struggling. She’s made a lot of mistakes—with Glen, with Troy, and maybe even with Brandon too. She’s not perfect, but she’s not all bad either. If you really look, most people aren’t.
“Anyway.” She waves her hand like she’s being silly and steps back. “Is he good to you?”
“Yes. The best.”
“Then I have a feeling it will all work out.” She gives me another supportive smile.
“I hope so. I have something to tell him that might hurt him, and I’m scared that even though it’s not my fault, it will be hard for him to be with me…or hell, maybe I’m scared I’ll mess up too. That I’m like G—” My gaze snaps to hers as I manage not to say his name. She knows what I meant, though, and I wonder if she will defend him.
“Life is complicated. I haven’t always done the right thing, your father neither…and there are a lot of regrets.”
“He said that?”
She frowns, then goes back to the pan and plucks a brownie for herself.
That’s what I thought. She has regrets, not him.
“I think you and your young man will be okay. You’re a good boy, Atlas. We should tell you that more often.”
It would be nice, but I can’t bring myself to say that.
Would she think we’ll be okay if she knew?
“You should put Brandon’s things out again,” I say instead. “He’s part of the family too. I feel that way about Mom. Because people are gone, it doesn’t mean we should forget about them.”
Her chin trembles, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have said that, if I went too far, but I know it would mean a lot to Troy.
“Eat up,” Ellie tells me. “The brownies are delicious.”
And while this day isn’t what I hoped it would be, while there is more I wish she would say, I feel a little closer to Ellie than I did before.
I eat the brownie while she talks about a trip she and Glen want to take, but that work is busy and he’s not sure he can get away. They work in different departments, have totally different roles, which gives her a flexibility he doesn’t have, she says, and I figure that’s how he manages to get away with leaving workwithout her knowing too. “He said I should ask a friend to go with me, which is nice. Could be fun to have some girl time.”
He wants you to leave so he can spend time with her.
It steels my resolve. No matter what might happen, I’m admitting the truth to Troy tonight, and then tomorrow, we need to come and tell Ellie what we know.
33
Troy
Isit inmy car, parked alongside the hibachi grill where Brandon and I agreed to meet. It’s between campus and Mom and Glen’s, so only a twenty-minute drive. I made reservations for seven, but I was so excited about the possibility of seeing him again, I got here at six thirty. I play around on my phone a bit when I notice another car pull in, three spots from me. A guy with dishwater-blond hair gets out. I know that hair; he gets it from Mom’s side. He walks toward the restaurant entrance, and I hop out to greet him.
When his gaze turns to me, a tear shifts in my eye. “Brand!”
His eyes light up in that familiar way as he pulls his hands out of his jacket pockets and hurries to me. “Come here, bud!”
He hooks his arms around me for a firm hug, the sort he used to give me plenty of back when we were kids. He even tries to pick me up off the ground like he would’ve back then, and says, “God, you’re heavy.”
I laugh as I hold him tight. Don’t let go. I don’t ever want to let him go.
