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“I’m with someone. She’ll have to come to,” I demand.
He nods. “Of course.”
“And if you even think of trying to rat me out, I won’t hesitate to murder you.”
His eyes flash with sadness. “You think I’d rat out my only son?”
I shrug. “I don’t know you. You abandoned me, didn’t you?”
He accepts the barb, his eyes downcast. “Yes, I did. And that’s something I’ll always regret.” His words are heavy with remorse, but it doesn’t erase the past.
It doesn’t erase the pain, the abandonment. Trust isn’t something that can be won over with a few regretful words. It’s earned, and he’s got a long road ahead of him if he thinks there’s even a sliver of a chance that I’ll trust him. I have my demons, but these are the ones that haunt me.
18
LILA
Ash and I sit quietly in the warmth of the cabin’s living room, the only sound being the faint crackling of the fire dancing in the hearth. The flickering light casts long shadows across Ash’s face. His gaze is focused on the dancing flames, but I can tell he’s far away, lost in the labyrinth of his thoughts.
The atmosphere is thick with tension and a silent battle of emotions. I reach out, brushing my fingers against his, a simple act of solidarity.
“I...” Ash stammers, pulling his hand away from mine and leaving a cold void. His eyes, stormy and conflicted, meet mine, searching for something I’m not sure I can give. “I can’t do this. Not now.”
I reach out again, this time, he doesn’t withdraw, but the tension in his body tells me he’s on the edge.
“I understand, Ash,” I speak softly. “This is hard for you.” I pause, looking at him intently. “But I can take your mind off things.”
He stiffens, hearing me using the same phrase on him as he used on me. “Can you?”
I nod and climb into his lap, grinding myself against his already stiffening erection. And then I kiss him.
He grabs the back of my neck forcefully. “Careful, starlight. I’m not in a good mood, which means I’ll ruin you.”
I moan at his forcefulness. “If that’s what you need, then ruin me.”
“Fuck,” he mutters against my lips. “I don’t fucking deserve you, but I’ll take you anyway.”
And then he kisses me more deeply, more ferociously than ever before. His tongue searches my mouth as if his life depends on it. I let him take what he needs from me. I no longer question why I’m so drawn to a man as unhinged and psychotic as him. A part of me fears it’s because of my past.
What if my childhood trauma is the reason why I’m so drawn to Ash?
I don’t even want to go there. Some things are best left buried.
Ash breaks the kiss, panting heavily. “Let’s play a game. You run. I chase.” His eyes hold a dangerous glint that sends a shiver down my spine. “Are you up for that?”
I lean back, studying his face, wondering if I’m crossing a line I shouldn’t ever cross, particularly with a man as dark and psychotic as Ash. But I know he needs this. Maybe I do, too. So, I nod, swallowing hard. “Alright.”
He smirks, a dark, predatory look that sends a thrill coursing through my veins. “But what are the limits, Lila? How dark can I be with you?” He leans into my ear. “How about consensual non-consent?”
“What?” I pull back, confusion flickering in my gaze. “What do you mean?”
“Consensual non-consent. It’s a role-play. I pretend to be a stranger. You play the damsel. Even when you say ‘no,’ Icontinue. But it’s all a game. You can stop it at any time with a safe word. What do you say?”
A shudder runs through me, a strange mix of fear and anticipation. A part of me is screaming to run, to get away from this dangerous game and man. But another part, a darker, more primal part, is drawn to it. Drawn to him and his darkness, the raw intensity that radiates off him.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Let’s do it.” I take a deep breath and pull away from him. “There are no limits. Do whatever you want.”
His eyes flash at that. “Are you sure, starlight?”
