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Chatter filled the room, the younger boys loud and demanding regardless of how their parents tried to keep them quiet, distracting me enough I didn’t flee the room.
Mom had Christmas carols on in the background—fucking why I didn’t know. I enjoyed the Thanksgiving season until Black Friday. Playing Christmas music before that day was just downright wrong in my opinion.
Sudden longing for quiet, the safety of kneeling at Matteo’s feet swept through me. My damn eyes stung, and I swallowed against the lump rising in my throat.
Everyone had pretty much finished, but no one made a move to get up and clear the table. I shifted, ready to tackle the chore myself since it would give me something to take my mind off how much I missed Matteo, but Micah clinked the back of his knife on his glassware.
“If I could have everyone’s attention.”
Voices went quiet as we shifted our focus toward the head of the table.
Micah grinned at Jasmine on his right while gathering her hand. Her smile wobbled.
“Shit,” I whispered, and thankfully no one heard my verbal reaction to the thoughts that sprinted through my brain. There was only one thing my perfect brother readied to say.
“We’re going to have a baby.”
And there it was.
Cries of congratulations rang out, but it was Pop I turned toward at the other end of the table.
Sure enough, a damn smile cracked his face.
Ears ringing and throat swelled shut, I offered my best wishes. Somehow, I made it through helping to clean up the dishes without breaking down. A full-on pity party rioted in my head and heart, and while I took pride in not throwing a temper tantrum, I fucking hurt.
While the men grinned and women gushed over baby showers and opinions on breastfeeding and sleep training, I managed to slip quietly out the front door.
Of course, my leaving went unnoticed. Everyone was too focused on the Fox boy who could do no wrong, the golden boy who financially supported everyone besides me under their roof and wouldn’t let our family name fade into obscurity like I planned on doing.
Needy didn’t begin to describe how I felt, and there was only one person on the planet I could trust to quiet my thoughts.
And if he turned me away?
Fuck, I couldn’t even go there in my mind. Fingers crossed, I headed up the highway, hoping like hell Matteo was home.
Chapter 29
Matteo
“How are you doing, Matteo?” Hanson asked while handing me a beer.
I’d been invited to spend the holiday with them along with a handful of their family members and other friends, but I wasn’t in the mood to be thankful. I’d only just arrived and already felt the urge to go back home where I could stew in my misery over my parents’ unrest over me falling for a man and the fact I wanted him now but couldn’t have him.
“Hanging in there,” I said.
“Is Sean behaving?”
“Somewhat,” I mumbled, lest the others lingering in their kitchen over the appetizers heard.
I’d shared everything with my friend, thinking that unburdening my mind would make the situation easier to handle. It hadn’t. I still longed for Sean, even though my sense of self-preservation insisted I continue to hold him at arm’s length.
“You’re doing the right thing.” Hanson clasped my shoulder.
While my head agreed with Hanson’s statement, my heart didn’t feel as though I’d made the right choice.
I nodded, sipping my beer. The cool liquid slid to my empty stomach without tasting it.
Sean and I hadn’t discussed what we were to one another, but I still grieved the absence of him and his light. That happiness I’d felt while lounging in my bed together what seemed months ago rather than a week had faded away to nothing.
