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‘I think you never stop replaying it in your head. The taste of the metal blade on your tongue, my fist connecting with the vertebrae in the back of your neck, the feeling of having me rolling on top of you under that train and pinning you down. I think that was the part you liked the most. I know I did. Seeing, tasting, feeling your fear – it got me hard. Did you feel my cock pressing into you? I bet you did. And I bet when you’re replaying it, that’s the part you always come back to.’
I don’t react. He’s trying to make me feel uncomfortable because he’s desperate. He is powerless and he knows it. That’s what weak men do in the last throes of an argument. All they have left is their sex to dominate when they’re coming undone.
‘It must have been so disappointing for you when I survived,’ I add. ‘Here I am. Still alive. And there you are. Locked away for the rest of your life. You failed.’
‘There’s more than one way to skin a cat,’ he replies before he leans back in his seat. ‘So is that it? Have you checked off everything on your list that you came here to say?’
‘Almost,’ I say. ‘I’m also here to tell you I’m about to start proceedings to gain control of Gwen’s estate.’
The wry grin I detest so intensely returns. ‘And you’re one hundred per cent sure that’s going to happen are you, Rachel?’
‘Absolutely.’
He leans forward again and I don’t back away. He is so close I smell tea on his warm breath. In two words, he silences me.
‘How’s Meredith?’
I glare at him blankly. What did he just say? I hesitate too long to disguise my surprise at this curveball. How does Paul know about her? Then I recall the day he attacked me: CCTV cameras confirmed he had been following me all day. So of course he sawme enter her house. Oh Jesus, has he done something to hurt her? No, how can he, from here? Maybe he’s paid someone else to do his dirty work for him? Has he had Derek kill Meredith to punish me? He sounds like a man unburdened by conscience. No, of course he hasn’t. He’s just trying to mess with my head. It’s working. I spoke to Meredith a few days ago and she was perfectly fine. I told her I’d pick up the will when I visit her next week.
‘She’s keeping well, I hope?’ Paul continues. ‘And safe? Living on your own at her age ... You never know who might suddenly turn up on her doorstep, unannounced.’
I don’t get the opportunity to ask anything else because a bell sounds to indicate visiting time is over.
‘Well, it was lovely to see you again,’ Paul says as he rises to his feet. ‘Don’t be a stranger.’
When he reaches the door to return to his wing, he turns around and winks at me. And all I can think about is how I might have killed Meredith.
CHAPTER 67
CONNIE
‘Where are you?’ I yell into my phone.
I try calling Meredith for the dozenth time, but there’s still no answer. I can’t remember a time when I rang and she wasn’t there to pick up.
My stomach is performing somersaults as I sit outside the prison gates waiting for the bus to arrive that will take me to the train station. Following Paul’s deliberate mention of Meredith, I’m terrified. She rarely leaves her house. If she doesn’t answer soon, I’ll call Krisha, recount Paul’s veiled threat and beg her to ask police colleagues in Coventry to check in on her.
My heart is jackhammering and I’m again aware of how dry my throat is. I grab a bottle of water from my handbag and take long gulps. Another thirty minutes pass and I alternate between Meredith’s landline and her mobile number. The landline rings out, but the mobile keeps going straight to voicemail. All I can think of is that, by befriending her, by giving her Gwen’s will to look after, I’ve sealed her fate like I did with Walter. I really don’t know if I can live with myself if another person dies because of me.
Suddenly, as the bus pulls into Manchester Piccadilly, the phone rings in my hand. It’s Meredith’s mobile number.
‘Meredith!’ I say. ‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you all afternoon.’
‘Is everything okay?’ she asks.
The sound of her voice brings me to tears. Wherever she is, it’s windy, and I can hear people talking in the background. I thank God she’s not in her house, lying in a pool of blood as I’d imagined.
‘I was worried when you weren’t answering your phones.’
‘I’m absolutely fine,’ she replies chirpily. ‘I’m at the hairdresser’s. It’s been an age so I thought I’d treat myself to a wash and blow dry before you come up next week. I thought that maybe we could go out for afternoon tea. My treat, if you fancy it?’
‘I’d really like that.’
I feel like an idiot. Of course she was at the hairdresser’s. She mentioned it when we spoke last week. There’d be no benefit to Paul or Derek killing her. I decide not to tell Meredith that I’ve visited him today, or that he mentioned her by name. Scaring her is the last thing I want to do.
‘I just wanted to make sure that you were alright,’ I reply, calmer now.
‘Oh, that’s very sweet of you, but yes, I’m wonderful.’
