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When I wake up the next morning, I’m still feeling the warm glow from the night before. Losing my V-card was better than I expected. A lot better. I’m filled with a surprising amount of affection for the man who took it.
I turn over, looking for Alessandro to cuddle him, but he’s not in bed. Disappointed, I pick myself up, still naked, and throw on a big T-shirt. I leave the bedroom, wondering what we’ll eat for breakfast.
Instead, he’s already dressed.
“Do you want to order breakfast?” I ask. “Or we could check out the restaurant downstairs. I think I saw a blackberry French toast on the menu that looked amazing.”
Alessandro doesn’t look at me. “Choose whatever you want. I have to go.”
My face falls. “Go? We got married yesterday.”
“And I have not one, but two criminal organizations to run.”
“I thought marrying me was supposed to solve that problem.”
“Marrying you makes the problem solvable. It doesn’t solve it by itself.”
“So stay and talk with me about it. Maybe I can help.”
“Well, let’s see. Every captain from the Rossi family except Sal hates me, and probably wouldn’t mind if I died. Meanwhile, the Gagliardi family literally just tried to kill me, and murdered my grandfather.”
His tone is sharp, and it fills me with dismay. Last night, somehow, I actually felt some hope for us. Some warmth. Some connection.
Now, it feels like all of that has evaporated.
“Come on,” I say, stepping closer, “it’s the first day of our marriage. We can have breakfast together, at least.”
But emotionally, he recoils from that suggestion like I threatened him with a gun. I can see it written all over his face. “It’s the first day of ourarrangedmarriage,” he corrects me, turning to the door.
I try to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes. “So that’s all this is? An arrangement? Nothing else?”
Alessandro looks back only for a moment before he leaves. “Yes. It’s an arrangement. I don’t know why you thought it was anything more than that.”
He shuts the door, and I break down.
***
Alessandro
Fuck! I clench my fist, almost wishing I was stupid enough to punch the wall. It would be satisfying, at least, but not worth the broken knuckles.
I hate how I just treated her. I watched the whole thing happen like a movie, an awful car crash I wanted desperately to stop.
But I couldn’t. I never can. Every time I start to get close to someone, it goes like this.
Maybe I’m just broken. Maybe the day I got pulled out of class and told on a crackly phone call in the principal’s office that both my parents had been murdered in a car bombing, something just broke inside me and I’ll never be able to fix it.
A part of me died that day. And that’s why when Grandpa Nazzaro was killed, I couldn’t die again. I’ve been through so much pain, there’s no space left for it. Just anger and clarity of purpose.
I don’t feel pain like that anymore. Not since I stopped letting people in. Now I have my armor up at all times, and it keeps me safe.
It also makes me do bullshit like what I just put Ava through. Every. Fucking. Time. Which is exactly why I never wanted to get married.
Pulling out my cell phone, I call Dominic, who is still guarding Tony Gagliardi and his wife at their house. He picks up on the first ring. “Hey, man, congrats. Sorry I couldn’t be at the wedding.”
I ignore the marriage talk. “I’m coming to you. It’s time for Tony and me to have another chat.”
***
