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“I know, but still. I’m not a great friend right now.”
She looks so guilty that I feel compelled to hug her.
“You’re going through a rough patch. We’re good, honestly,” I assure her.
She purses her lips, nods, and attempts a small smile. “Tell me honestly though: when you left suddenly last night, was it really just because you couldn’t sleep and wanted to be in your own bed?”
Hmm, I guess that excuse wasn’t too believable, but what else could I tell her? I snort softly, which is all the answer she needs.
“I figured as much. You just couldn’t stand being near him, right?”
What do I say? I can’t tell her the whole truth, and she’s not wrong, so I just nod. We arrive at the cafeteria at that moment, to my relief. It’s suddenly noisy, students bustling about, and I fall back a little.
“You guys find a table, and I’ll go stand in line.”
I’m about to take my place in the line when someone steps in front of me. Startled, I look up to see a no less startled face.
“Sorry,” Ayden mutters.
“It’s okay,” I reply, turning away.
But Ayden’s voice stops me. “Are you going to tell me what was so important last night that you had run off like that?”
I slowly turn back to face him and see the concern and hurt in his expression, because of course he’s already come to his own conclusion. But the truth is much worse.
“Thanks for taking such good care of Max. She really needed a friend last night, and it did her good to know you were there for her.”
He nods, still giving me that piercing look. He knows I’m just trying to change the subject.
“Do you realize how worried I was when I woke up and you were gone? After everything that’s happened to you lately, I never figured you’d just run off in the middle of the night and put yourself in danger again.”
“I avoided empty alleyways. See? Even I can learn.”
“I doubt that, because there’s nobody around at that time of night, and Chiara’s attack made it clear that there could be other dangers you’re not expecting.”
I know he’s right, and if I had another option, I wouldn’t have run off like that. Why does he have to look at me like this? So ardent – the concern in his eyes, the pain. I wish I could take those feelings away for him. And the fact that I still feel like that tells me it’s going to take me a while to get over him. Right now, there’s still a part of me that wants to hold him and tell him it’s not what he thinks.
But instead I jut my chin and say, “Did it go okay with Max this morning? I’m guessing it was hard to get her out of bed after a night like that.”
“Stop changing the subject,” he grumbles. “Just tell me what was up. Why did you leave so suddenly? And then that bland note.”
I gulp and hesitate. What I want to say isn’t easy. I think back to the charity dinner and what I overheard Vicky say:We haven’t even slept together since she started at the school.And then I picture their kiss. I don’t want to hurt him, but I have no choice.He needs to stop asking questions. I need him to leave me alone.
“You know why. I need some distance from you. And being in your room with you...” I shake my head. “I just can’t do that.”
I look up to see him searching my face for some truth belying my words, but I stand my ground.
He nods. “Okay. I was hoping we could eventually start acting normally around each other. But I guess you’re right. We’re just not good for each other.”
He’s echoing what I said to him the last time we kissed.
He turns around, and I try to ignore the wrenching feeling in my chest. It’s for the best, I keep repeating to myself like a mantra.
Chapter 15
Training is a good distraction from my tumultuous thoughts and at the same time, it’s pretty challenging. I’m sending odeon to Yoru, so that he can spit fireballs, when I feel this quiet whisper in my chest trying to tempt me.Test your limits, see how far you can go. You need to be strong so nobody ever dies again because of you. Ty lost his life because of you.At the same time, I remember the sense of lightness that came over me when my connection with Yoru intensified. My little fox looks up at me, but I find no answer in his eyes. Does he know what’s on my mind? If I tried it again, would I be able to control it and stop us from merging completely?
“You okay?” Kate’s voice snaps me back to reality.
