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“Wasn’t it you who said to me a while back that you don’t like following rules and that you do your own thing?”
“Sometimes there’s no choice,” he admits.
I nod, disappointed, and at the same time I’m horrified by what I’ve just learned. It doesn’t exactly heighten my opinion of the Noctu.
“You already know what some of my duties involve, and you know what I think about those. In this case, my hands were tied, but that doesn’t change who I am. Teresa, you know me.”
There’s a look of desperation in his eyes, and I know he’s right. There are a lot of things I’m not okay with, but up to now I haven’t seen any option but to push these out of my mind if I don’t want to lose Noah. And yet it’s impossible for me to live with the things that he does.
“I hope that you can at least understand what Frances had to go through and why she wants to be around me. I was a kind of attachment figure for her. As members of the Assembly, her parents are often away – traveling or attending conferences. She never had anyone to take good care of her. And now her parents are away again, so she’s staying at my parents’ house, and I check up on her now and then.”
“She has feelings for you; you know that, right?” I ask.
He flaps his hand in protest. “She’s turning 15 in two months. She’s way too young for me, and I’m sure she knows that. She’d never think we could be…” He breaks off and shakes his head. “No, she’s like a little sister to me; she sees me as a brother who looks out for her. And she’s a born fighter.”
I’m pretty sure he’s way off the mark in his assessment of her feelings.
“So what happens now?”
My stomach tightens as I wait for his answer. Noah’s become an important part of my life, and the idea that I might lose him scares me.
“It’s probably best if we don’t see each other for a while. I’ll try to reassure Frances and make her understand the situation. But until then...”
He sounds so unconcerned, confident, relaxed even. But it’s clear to me that it’s not going to be anywhere near as easy as he makes it sound – if he succeeds at all. And for now, it means no contact for an indefinite period of time.
Noah comes to me and hugs me. He holds me close and strokes my hair.
“We’ll stay in touch, and you can tell me everything. If anything happens, I’ll be there. You can count on that.”
I nod against his chest and feel the tears well up Why do I have to keep losing the people close to me? I struggle to remain composed, to stay strong. But it’s hard. I cling to Noah’s shirt and breathe in his scent, feeling the deep trust between us.
“It won’t be forever,” he promises. He pulls back a little, and a reassuring smile appears on his face. “I couldn’t stand that.” He smirks and caresses my cheek. “I’d miss your sense of humor too much.”
“Oh yeah, I haven’t laughed this hard in ages,” I retort.
Noah grins. “See what I mean?” He winks at me and gives me one last look with those beautiful eyes that are so open and radiant. “We’ll see each other again soon,” he promises, taking out his key and summoning a portal. “Bye for now.”
The moment he’s finished speaking, he disappears, leaving me all alone.
Chapter 18
Ibrood over my homework, but I can’t really concentrate on it. Instead, I keep checking my phone for new messages. I haven’t seen Noah again since that last chance encounter, and he hasn’t contacted me either. I hope everything’s alright and that Frances didn’t decide to compromise him after all. But I can’t imagine she would. She seems to care about him. So much that she was actually prepared to let me go. But not being able to see him isn’t easy. There are so many questions plaguing me, for which I have no answers. I take out Frida’s ring, which I now wear on a chain around my neck with my key. What secrets does it harbor?
I glance at my homework and then stand up. It’s pointless. My mind is too preoccupied. I take out the box containing Frida’s letters, sit down on the bed, and sort them by date. Nothing will stop me from reading them all today. Maybe I’ll find the answer to at least one of my thousands of questions.
Charles,
I’m sorry if I went too far the last time we spoke. I just wanted to know why you’ve been so dismissive and avoiding me lately.You said it wasn’t true and that you just have a lot on your plate right now.
But now I know you were lying. I saw you with her. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? Why don’t you trust me anymore? Why would you keep something like this from me?
Are you really a couple? She’s pretty, I’ll give her that – but in an obvious kind of way. She has no quiet elegance, no delicate features or the kind of charming traits that you only notice on second glance, but which are therefore all the more intense and unforgettable. But I guess you like her. In any case, you looked very happy with her. And I suppose that’s the main thing. I just hope you won’t forget me.
I’ll always be here for you.
Frida
The next letter I read sounds more insistent, and Frida’s jealousy, which I already sensed in the previous letter, becomes more apparent.
