Page 40 of Embracing Darkness


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“It was our fault.” His voice sounds raw. “Ty and I took our sweet time and didn’t even think. We stopped to eat on the way and lost track of time. We were really late, and Vicky had to stand around in front of the movie theater on her own. She must have been waiting a while. The movie had already started, so there was nobody but her waiting outside. At some point, three guys walked past and started yelling stupid comments at her. Vicky gave as good as she got, but it didn’t help. I guess it all happened really fast. One of the guys dragged her into an alley, and she was so stunned that she didn’t even have a chance to defend herself. Then, when the others followed and the first one pushed her up against the wall, she screamed like crazy, and I’m sure people must have heard her, but nobody came to help.”

My eyes widen. Vicky, who’s always so strong and never shows any fear and doesn’t let anything or anyone get in her way – something like this happened to her?

“What... what about her key spirit? Why couldn’t he help?”

“She told Raven to stay at home. She and Ethan often did that. They didn’t want to be dependent on their spirits. Anyway, Ty and I eventually found her in this alley. The guys were long gone and Vicky...” He shakes his head as he recalls the scene. “She looked awful. I’ll never forget it. And after that she was never the same again. She couldn’t laugh anymore. She became really serious and withdrew from everyone. She developed this hard shell and tried not to show any weakness, tried to appear tough so that she could keep people at arm’s length. She didn’t let anyone get close. And she wouldn’t talk about what happened. She never told Ethan about it and threatened to kill us if we did. I guess she hoped that if she never spoke of it, she could erase it from her memory. But it didn’t work. Obviously, Ethan noticed that something was wrong. But the more he asked, the more distant Vicky became. They fought more and more. Eventually, Vicky changed her mind. She no longer wanted to leave the Tempes and live in the ordinary world. She decided to remain a hunter.”

I totally understand why. Being a hunter probably gave her back a sense of power. She would have felt safer in that environment. And at the same time, she didn’t have to be around the kind of people who did this to her.

“In the end, she broke up with Ethan. It was a really hard time for her. Ty and I tried to talk to her so many times, but she wouldn’t let us in at first. One night that changed. I was with her and tried to talk to her again. And she suddenly started crying, and it all poured out of her. She clung to me and told me everything. At least once in her life, she talked about what happened. And since then, we’ve kind of become each other’s confidants and been there for each other.”

So that’s the bond between them that I’ve always sensed and seen. And now I know the reason. Ayden was there for his friend who had suffered so much, and he also felt responsible for hersuffering. And Vicky probably couldn’t bring herself to trust anyone at first and then finally turned to someone whom she was sure wouldn’t hurt her. Because she knows Ayden inside-out and knows how he ticks, and she put her trust in that in order to go on living somehow. But even with him, she wasn’t up for anything more than one-night stands – probably afraid that in a committed relationship, he could end up hurting her too.

It explains so much. But I have one objection. “You know that you and Ty aren’t to blame for what happened, right?”

“If we met her in front of the theater like we promised, this wouldn’t have happened to her, and she could still be the happy, fun-loving person she used to be,” he replies. “But yeah, I know. Nobody can put that on us. Just like you know you’re not to blame for Ty’s death.”

I nod. Yeah, I guess he’s right. But we’ll always have these crosses to bear.

I look at him and lose myself in his eyes for a moment. There’s so much pain in them but also this magic that holds me captive. I know he didn’t get involved with Vicky out of pity or guilt. It was more that he was there for her in a moment of need; she opened up to him, and something developed out of that. Something incredibly valuable and special for both of them. This horrible incident explains why Ty and Ayden have always been so indulgent with Vicky – knowing what she used to be like, feeling guilty, and wanting to shield her from any more bad experiences. Yeah, they were probably trying to protect Vicky because they failed to do so at the time.

“Ty and I searched for the guys for weeks,” Ayden continues. “Obviously, we didn’t have much of a chance of finding them. But we combed half the city looking for them. Vicky didn’t know, and she wouldn’t have approved. She just wanted to put the whole thing behind her.”

I can understand their motivation. But I wonder what theywould have done if they found the guys.

Our eyes meet, and for a moment, we just look at each other.

“Why did you tell me this? Just because Ty wanted to?”

“I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you. Especially the ones that hurt you.”

I gulp and can’t look away. His words mean a lot to me, and I can’t help wondering if things could have been different if he’d confided in me earlier.

“I wish you didn’t have to carry that burden alone, and all that guilt,” I say.

“I wish the same for you,” he replies in a soft, almost tender voice. He leans forward and starts to reach out to me but then lets his hand fall. “Don’t take Vicky’s words to heart. She’s just desperately looking for someone to blame for Ty’s death because she can’t come to terms with it. None of us can. But it wasn’t your fault, I hope you know that.”

I nod, although I’m acutely aware that I can’t just brush off these feelings of guilt. Even Ayden can’t do that after all these years.

Vicky experienced something terrible, which she clearly still hasn’t come to terms with or processed. She probably couldn’t have coped with all that on her own, but she had Ayden to turn to. And she seems to trust him more than anyone else in the world. Who am I to take this special person away from her?

No, it’s good that Ayden told me all this. Now I finally understand her better, and it might even help me find a way to deal with Vicky in the future.

“Thank you,” I say. I look into his wonderful face again and study his beautiful, striking features. “It means a lot to me that you told me this.”

He nods and flashes me a wonderful smile, which I’ll probably keep picturing all night if I allow myself to think about him.

I wish I could be honest too and didn’t have to keep secretsfrom him. When he gives me that look, so intense and affectionate... But I know I can’t tell him about Noah. At least not yet... not like this...

Chapter 21

On Sunday I visit Mom. She has a day off, and we spend it together at her house. She talks about work, tells me a few anecdotes, and seems to be in a good mood. I’m glad she’s happy and that she’s made a few new friends among her colleagues.

“I never expected to get along so well with Ellen. At first, we seemed so different, so I didn’t even try to get to know her. But you should hear her – she’s so funny. She always comes out with these sassy comments and has a really dark sense of humor, which is right up my alley, as you know.”

It does me good to spend time with her, forget about school for a while, and clear my head. We eat cake that she bought especially from my favorite café. It’s delicious. We spend the whole afternoon talking, and in the evening we cook together. It winds up being a really nice day.

Around nine o’clock, I get up to leave.

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