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I’m dreaming.
They don’t notice me and continue talking. “Elias, come on. You cannot isolate yourself from the world for your whole life,” Aurora says, turned toward Elias.
He sits there, almost emotionless. “Yes, I can, it’s been working great for a while now,” he answers, his voice rough and robotic even.
“Look, I know it’s hard to lose a friend and get rejected in the same month, but you cannot just stay like this because of that,” Aurora points out. They’re talking about Lorenzo. About me. A dream. It’s just a dream. Everything here, all the words and all the sights, are fake.
I try turning around, to walk away from the conversation, but I’m unable to. My body doesn’t let me. I can’t control what’s happening. I’m stuck here, listening.
“I can do whatever I want. It’s only a year before Roland sets me up to take over the company,” Elias says, he sounds exhausted, almost dead. “At least we’re alike in some way.”
I draw a sharp breath. Leave. I need to leave. This isn’t real, this is my mind. Only things I know will show up. He wouldn’t say something like that. This is just to guilt trip me. This is just a projection of my mind, and I need it to shut off.
The couch then disappears with the others. I spin on my heels, the black emptiness surrounding me. Closing in on me. I need to wake up.
“You lied this whole time?” A yell comes from behind me. I turn around to see Elias, anger and pain visible in his expression, and I’m startled by the tone of his voice.
“What do you mean?” I ask without thought.
“You loved me, this whole time. You lied to me!” He shouts, and I freeze. It’s a dream. It’s a dream.
“No,” I utter.
“You’re lying to yourself. Look what you did now.” I step back, lowering my head.
“No, no, I don’t. This isn’t real,” I whisper to myself.
“Of course you do. You’re just lying to yourself, so you don’t hurt Lorenzo. But you don’t care that you’ve hurt me.”
My body suddenly feels weaker, and I’m shaking my head repeatedly. Wake up. Wake up. Tears feel like they’re soaking my eyes, but nothing’s there. A dream.
“Maybe he was right. Maybe -you -she- should - n’t - have -be- been -helped- dead.” The sentence distorts, the voices merging, and I can’t work out who is saying what. I squeeze my eyes shut, dropping down to the floor, still shaking my head. It’s not real. A loud ringing covers my ears. It’s not real.
A breeze of wind hits my face, and my eyes fly open. I pick my body up and sit on the bed, the sound of the wind moving the curtains, calming me down. I exhale out a deep breath. It was just a dream. Everything’s okay.
I move my legs to the edge, letting them dangle down. My phone lights up on the nightstand, the numbers lighting up the home screen: 4:23 a.m. It’s still early, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get to sleep again.
I pick up my phone and get up, walking into the kitchen. I grab a cup of water, sipping it slowly. My phone then vibrates, a message notification showing up. It’s from Mom. It’s just past one a.m. in LA, what is she doing awake? I place the cup next to the sink, then press onto her contact and call her.
The line rings a couple times before she answers. “Val? What are you doing awake?”
I move toward the living room and drop onto the couch. “I could ask you the same thing,” I answer.
“It’s still one in the morning here, I have an excuse. You?”
“Nothing, just woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep,” I tell her as I rub my eyes, leaving out the details about the dream. I haven’t told her about the whole situation with Elias and Lorenzo, yet. I don’t want to worry her. “So, how was Christmas?” I change the topic so that I don’t give her a chance to ask anything.
I hear her sigh from the other end. “Good. I came to Portland to visit Daniel, and I ended up staying with them. It explains why I’m still awake,” she informs me.
Daniel Hills was our neighbor, back in Portland. Well, he was more than that, but we stick to neighbor. He helped us a lot when Ellie was born, and we’re always in touch with him and his wife, Ava. Mom is the closest to him, since she’s known him before us. I’m glad she was able to celebrate with him, and not alone.
“That’s great. Tell him I say hi.”
“So, how about you? Are Elias and Enzo still fighting?” she asks. I sigh. So, she knows.
“Did Ellie tell you?” I ask in a low voice, leaning my head back on the couch.
“I can get anything out of Ellie, we both know that.”
