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“Val?” I say quietly.
“Go. Go away, I told you I’m perfectly fine.”
She tries so hard to convince me but her voice breaks at the end. She raises her hand to wipe her face and I instantly know she’s crying. I walk closer until I’m able to pull her closer toward me. Her cries break out into sobs.
“Hey, it’s okay. Breathe,” I tell her.
Her breath is shaky, and I can feel tears falling from her eyes. “It’s not fair,” she cries, her head resting on my chest. I try to say something, but I can’t. No words come to mind.
What do you say to a person who’s losing their best friend?
Chapter 82- Tre
Val
Three days. Three days left. Time is at the point of both being frozen and going too fast. Each day feels as hard and torturous as the other. Lorenzo suggested I get out of the hotel. Even though I don’t feel like going anywhere, I do so for him. So I can spend the time with him. No matter how bad I feel, I’ll feel worse if I don’t use the time we have left together.
We go to walk in a small forest in central Manhattan, the breeze passing by every now and then. The sky is gray, but it’s not too cold. It looks like it might rain, but it hasn’t yet. We pass by the trees, walking on the thin layer of snow.
“Are you feeling better today?” he asks me. He asks me that anytime he can. Although I always feel the same, and I always lie.
“I guess,” I reply. This is all too much for my mind to process. I still can’t believe it. It still feels unreal. It still feels like a dream, and I’m still in denial. Imaginary hope still sits in my chest.
“It’s going to be okay, Val. I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but it’ll get better. You have a whole life ahead of you,” Lorenzo tells me. A whole life without him. A life he won’t be in, he won’t be able to see.
I put my hands in the pockets of my cardigan. “Why do I get that and not you?” I ask. Why doesn’t he get to live his life? He wants it. He deserves it. He’s happy with his life, so why is it getting taken away from him?
“Well, I guess that’s because I’ve already lived my life. I’ve found happiness. You haven’t yet,” he says, turning to face me. “And you will. I know you will.”
It feels impossible. Ever being happy. Ever having a life with peace. I thought that after everything, this was it. This was my happiness. Lorenzo’s situation came as a harsh reminder that I’ll never getting that, though. There will always be something wrong, there will always be something messed up in my life. I’m not made for happiness. Especially not without him.
“How am I going to do that without you?”
“Like you do everything else. You don’t need me, not anymore,” he tells me.
I really hope, but at this point, it’s hard to believe it. I take a step closer and place my head on his chest before his arms wrap around me. Tears burn in my throat.
“It’s not fair. You only got to be here for the shitty side of my life. You did so much, and you won’t even get to see if my life gets better,” I mutter.
“Of course I will. I’ll always be here, Vi. You just won’t see me. And even though you won’t, I’ll be the proudest person there,” he promises me.
I feel my eyes tear up. What am I going to do without him? I don’t want him to go. He shouldn’t have to go. It’s not fair.
“Who’s going to be my best friend when you’re gone?” I whisper, a tear falling down my cheek.
“Aurora. Elias. Or you can make new friends. I know half of the Los Angeles population would die to be friends with you,” he jokes, and a laugh passes through my tears.
“But they would never be you. No one could be,” I whisper again. His hand rises to my hair, running his fingers through them.
I miss him already. He’s not gone yet, and life already feels emptier. I pull back to look into his eyes, which are slightly red. But a smile shines on his face. He’s smiling through the pain. I place my hands on either side of his face and lean in, placing my lips on his cheek, another tear falling.
“I’m going to miss you. So much. It’ll the only thing I’ll be able to think of for weeks,” I tell him.
“I’m going to miss you, too, fiore mio,” he replies, before pulling me into a hug again. I take slow breaths, breathing in his comfort. Comfort that will soon disappear, that I’ll have to live without for the rest of my life.
He lays his head on my shoulder, allowing me to slip my hands through his hair. “You mean the entire world to me, Vi. But now I have to leave it. I’m so sorry.”
Chapter 83 – Due
