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Had.
“I’m a killer, I like it. I was fucking happy killing that rapist fuck. Trenton deserved more. And I never asked you. I just did it. If I could, I’d have killed those two today. Jax was right, they deserved it.”
She recoils, looking younger in her street clothes, fresher, sadder. It breaks something in me.
“I know they did. Putting their hands on me, letting their guards touch me. Telling me all the disgusting things they’d do. Part of me wanted to throw up on them. Another part wanted to rage and incinerate their fucking bodies. I wanted to cry, and I wanted to laugh, because somewhere in me I kept wondering…do people really talk like this? Like they’re in some bad porn film fantasy? But then I realized they do. And they kill girls and do terrible things to them.”
She takes a breath, picks up her bag, then drops it like she touched fire.
Shit. I have to give her the wallet and keys. That means she’s really and truly leaving. That knowledge fucking stings like a bitch, too.
“I need to get your stuff.” I stand up and leave thebedroom. Blood rushes between my ears as I go through the motions of getting the wallet and keys from my safe.
I need to say something.
I can’t just let this happen…can’t watch her leave this place.
Leave me.
When I come back from my office, I hand them to her. She’s careful not to touch my fingers.
“Ivy?” We both stand like we’re stuck in quicksand, and hell, maybe we are. I’ve never been this uncertain about what to do next in my life.
“Yes?”
“Blame me all you want, but forgive Jaxson.”
“You don’t have the right to say that.”
“No, but I never meant to hurt you with that. Neither did he. And it wasn’t my place to tell you. That was his, and when he became Black Ops, Jaxson Gardner was killed. To everyone, including me, he was dead. I only found out the truth because the society I’m part of recruited him.”
“I don’t care.”
It’s the harshest tone I’ve ever heard her use, and I’ve pushed her beyond her limits in our time together.
Then Ivy raises her chin. “I’m holding you to your promise of taking care of Elise, of keeping her through the entire program. And I’m also keeping your credit card to get myself a first-class ticket to Switzerland to be with her.”
I want to touch her. I don’t even want to dominate her right now. Just touching her would be enough. I’m in some kind of freefall. “Okay. Pay the entire way. I’ll arrange an apartment near?—”
“I’ll do that. But you can pay for it all.”
I want to argue, tell her I can put her up in luxury, have it fully furnished, but I keep my mouth shut.
She puts her hand to her chest. “I fell in love with you. I mean, I hated you for a long time, but maybe that’s just what that silly teenage love became, hatred. Then I fell all over again. And now…” She sighs, shakes her head. “I don’t hate you. Because hate’s too close to love. I just don’t like you, Mercer.”
Ivy turns and takes two steps down the stairs.
“Thanks for killing Trenton. And fuck you, you asshole.”
Ivy disappears down the stairs. I stay put in the hell I created for myself.
In that moment, I know two things.
Ivy is the only woman who’s ever fucked me and left me like I’m nothing. And she’s definitely the only one who took part of me with her when she left.
Fuck me, yeah, she’s got that right.
And it’s way more than I deserve.
