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“For you and I to finally talk.”
Samara
24
“Ihave nothing to say to you,” I sneered when Prim, Sharkey, and my three angry musketeers walked out the door. The guys were more hesitant to leave, but despite my protest, the three of them still honored Xavier’s wishes and stupidly left me alone with him. Well, maybe not fully alone. I could still feel their presence lingering nearby. They were probably right outside with their ears pressed against the metal door trying to listen in.
“I’m sorry, Samara,” he said, cursing under his breath when I spun painfully on my heel and started for the door. “Please just let me—”
“What the fuck do you expect me to say!?”
I whirled around, stopping him in his tracks, my temper flaring hot. “You haveno fucking ideawhat I went through. The shit I had to do when Mom started falling downhill. When I wasn’t in school and while Mom was out snorting God knows what up her nose, I was in the streets, dumpster diving, diggingthrough random people’s nasty ass trash cans, and in and out of stores stealing any little thing I could get away with just to eat.”
Xavier’s jaw ticked as he listened, but he didn’t speak.
“You left us.” My throat tightened as the tears I was desperately fighting threatened to spill. “Why didn’t you come back for us? How-how could you just move on and pretend like we never existed? We needed you!” My aching body shook, my voice cracking. “I needed you!”
Xavier took a step forward and tried to reach out to me. I stepped away, refusing to let him touch me.
“Leaving you was the toughest, most excruciating decision I’ve ever had to make, and words can’t express how sorry I am for all the pain I caused you and your mother. I didn’t want to leave you,principessa. When my father found us, you’d just turned five. You were so young, so innocent, and I couldn’t dare allow him to get his hands on you and Lily. I had to keep you safe, baby. I had to keep you as far away from our family as possible so that you could live a happy, normal life. That’s why I left.”
I swallowed hard, my throat bobbing. All bitterness aside, I understood his reasoning. I’d had a lot of time to think shit through since my meeting with Jerimiah, and I absolutely hated having to put myself in Xavier’s shoes and do the whole ‘what would I have done if that were me’mindset crap. It worked, though, because thinking about what my life could’ve been like if he hadn’t done what he did helped me gain a newer perspective on things. But it sure as fuck didn’t help the stinging pain caged in my chest hurt any less.
“I know that already.” I turned away to wipe my eyes, cursing these god forsaken tears. “But that doesn’t answer my questions.”
Xavier approached me slowly, frowning miserably when I stepped even closer to the door.
“I couldn’t come back for you. Your grandfather had a lot of enemies back then and there was a lot of blood spilt in his name, amongst other unstable tribulations that would’ve put you and Lily at terrible risk. It is true I kept track of you off and on for a few years, but once I was convinced Lily had things under control, I stopped—and yes, by then I’d already moved on in my new life. I don’t regret marrying Rhett’s mother, adopting him, fostering Phantom and Isaac, none of it. And I’m genuinely sorry if hearing that only exacerbates your resentment toward me.”
He sighed in utter defeat before he veered away from me and sat down in Sharkey’s old interrogation chair, swooping one fancy suit leg over the other as he observed me through sad, glistening pupils.
“It’s my fault you’re here, Samara. If I hadn’t been fully convinced you and Lily were better off and if I hadn’t been so careless, youneverwould’ve come back here. You never would’ve gone through any of this shit.”
“But I did,” I grumbled, my throat tight. I turned towards the door then and reached for the knob, unable to look at him any longer. He’d said far more than I wanted to hear and now I just needed to leave. I couldn’t do this anymore. “And now here we are.”
Without another word, I opened the door and slammed it on my way out.
Phantom
25
Samara stared out the backseat window in Rhett’s SUV, having breathed not a single word to me, Rhett, or Isaac since we departed from the warehouse fifteen minutes ago. The air was so goddamn thick, a fucking chainsaw wouldn’t have been sharp or strong enough to cut through it.
Tonight was fucked, and I would’ve been lying if I said I wasn’t struggling to keep my inner monster chained on its leash. Fuck, I think we were all struggling. The disgust of Sharkey and Prim’s actions made me sick to my stomach. Hell, they were lucky to still sustain the ability to draw air into their lungs. Aside from the rest of the crew, Sharkey and Prim were like family to us—the closest anyone could ever get to earning that echelon of trust. If it would’ve been anyone else, Ravager or fucking not, I would not have held back and pulled my punches like I did with Sharkey. His and Prims’ brains would be getting scrubbed clean from the floors right now.
“Are you hungry?” Rhett asked, breaking the silence as he glanced worriedly through the rearview mirror at Samara.
She remained mute, unmoving, and through her reflection in the window I could tell by the blank look in her eyes that she’d shut down and was in complete dissociation.
“Samara?” Rhett tried again. “Babe?”
Her reflection blinked and then she turned her head, meeting his gaze in the mirror. “Huh?”
“I asked if you were hungry…”
“Oh.” She gently shook her head. “No, I’m okay—”
“You need to eat,” I pressed coolly and delicately, knowing she did not like being told what to do. I didn’t want to upset her but the last time she’d eaten was earlier this afternoon. I knew she had a rough night and had taken two pain pills prior to the trials. Now that the adrenaline rush had worn off, she really needed to eat something, and soon. If not, she’d get sick, especially if she planned on popping more of those pain pills before she went to bed.
