Page 47 of Resisting Desire


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I’m so confused.

I pull out my laptop and look for my resume. I’ll need to update it. It’s been a long time since I’ve searched for a job.

Even if nothing ever comes of it, it doesn’t hurt to see what kind of job opportunities are out there. Upstate New York is a good place to look. Maybe Syracuse? I had a friend who lived there once, and she said it was beautiful and a good place to raise a family. Four seasons, gorgeous fall foliage, good schools, affordable housing. What’s not to love?

My resume stares back at me from the laptop screen. The light is blinding in the dim room, and it forces my eyes to squint.

If I’m so keen to look for a job, why am I staring at the screen and not doing anything? Maybe because I know that if I move, there’s zero chance for me and Ethan. Am I ready to completely give up on him?

I’m asking the wrong question. Here are some better questions:

Has he given any indication that he wants a permanent relationship? Marriage one day? To be with me and only me?

Not to all.

Sure, he asked me to move in. He likes that idea because it’s temporary. It provides him an out if he changes his mind.

I have my answer. I begin to scroll down my resume, reading as I go. I might as well get to work. Even if nothing ever comes of it, I need to at least look at my options.

Chapter 13

Ethan

When I came back to New York, I had no idea my life would change so much. From nomadic bachelor to . . . father?

Even now, I find it hard to believe.

Matthew just turned six weeks old. I peer down at the little body sleeping in my arms and can’t believe how much he’s already changed. He’s able to lift his head and look at me now. His facial expressions are more pronounced. He even smiled at me today. It was a real smile, not just a passing-gas smile.

Tonight will be the first time we’re leaving him with someone else. My mom is going to babysit while Liz and I attend Lana’s charity gala. Though she is excited to be attending the party, Liz is freaking out because she has to leave Matthew.

She’s been in her room getting ready for an hour. I hope she likes my gift. I’m dying to see her wear it. The anticipation is just about killing me.

I hear a rustle of fabric behind me and turn to see Liz coming out of her room.

I forget to breathe as my eyes meet hers.

She’s moving in slow motion toward me. The immediate electricity that sparks between us is so strong that I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. Not that I want to. I feel a magnetic pull toward her, drawing me near, though my feet aren’t moving.

I always knew she was beautiful, but how did I not realize how stunning she was? She’s wearing the ball gown that I bought her as a surprise. It clings to her curves, accentuating her natural grace and elegance. The deep shade of midnight blue enhances the blue of her eyes, while the intricate beading on the bodice catches the light as she moves.

My eyes are drawn to her bare neck and shoulders and then roam further down to the gown’s full skirt when she rotates her hips, causing the dress to swish around her legs.

“Well, say something. Do I look okay?” she asks nervously.

“Wow,” I finally manage to say, my voice low and hardly recognizable. “You . . . you look breathtaking.” My feet have a mind of their own as they walk slowly to her.

“It’s the dress, not me. Thank you again. I never would’ve expected such an elaborate gift. It’s too much, really. I shouldn’t accept it, but it’s too beautiful to give back.” She looks down and touches the soft skirt of the dress.

“Liz, do you have any idea how beautiful you are? It’s not the dress. It’s all you.” I touch the tendril of hair that has fallen from the jeweled clip holding up her hair. Instead of pulling my hand back, I run a finger down and cup her chin. “Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?”

She opens her mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by the knock on the door.

Her expression is shuttered immediately. The moment is gone. What I wouldn’t give to know what she was going to say.

Not the best timing, Mom.

I open the door, and my mother comes rushing in. “Sweetie, don’t you look adorable in your tux? Oh my goodness, Liz, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

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