Page 68 of Resisting Desire


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“He left about thirty minutes ago. Said he had some errands to run but wanted me to tell you he’d be back in a few hours.”

“Okay, thank you. How’s my boy been this morning? Is his tummy still upset?”

“He’s doing much better,” Tessa says, smiling down at him. “I fed and changed him, and we’re just hanging out right now.”

My laptop is sitting on the table where I left it last night. I haven’t officially accepted the new job offer. I almost did last night, but I held off. Each time I started to email the hiring manager, something stopped me.

No, not something. Someone.

Last night, I still had a sliver of hope that Ethan and I might be able to work something out. Things are much clearer today.

He’s never going to change. He can never be the person I need him to be. And I can’t be the person he wants me to be. Taking this job and moving is the smart thing to do, the only thing to do. It’s going to hurt Ethan badly. He cares about our baby, Matthew. I feel a pang of regret when I think about taking Matthew away from him.

Ethan may not realize it yet, but our leaving will be a relief to him. He never wanted kids or a wife. He’s always wanted the bachelor life, and we’ve taken that from him. Once we are gone, he can get his life back.

And I’ll be far enough away that I won’t have to see it.

Staring at the laptop isn’t going to get it done. I have to formally accept the job. I slowly open the lid and pull up my emails.

With a sense of dread, I sit down to type out a brief acceptance letter to the hiring manager.

My finger hovers over the mouse. All I need to do to seal my fate is to click the send button.

Taking a deep breath, I do it. I click send.

It’s done.

I have four weeks to find an apartment and get everything moved. And then, I will start my new life with my new job.

I’ll move on, and Ethan will move on. We’ll live our separate lives, and eventually, I’ll forget how much I love him.

My phone is sitting there, staring at me. There’s someone I’ve been avoiding for the last week, and he’s left several messages. I might as well get this over with. I know I’ll feel relieved when it’s done.

I scroll until I find his name. I walk into my bedroom so that the nanny won’t overhear me.

After several rings, I’m about to hang up. Then, finally, “Hello?”

“Hi, Trent,” I say softly.

“I was beginning to wonder if you lost my number,” he says solemnly. “Have you been avoiding me?”

“No, I’ve just been busy,” I lie.

I most definitely have been avoiding him. After the last meeting with the private investigator, I’ve been too nervous to talk to him. I have to be so careful of what I say.

“I’m glad you called. I was hoping we might be able to get together soon. You still owe me dinner.”

“Actually, Trent. I need to tell you something.” All of a sudden, I’m nervous, and I don’t know why. He senses my hesitation.

“Whatever it is, I can handle it. If you don’t want to do dinner right now, it’s fine. I understand that your current living situation is complicated. I know how Ethan feels about me.”

“It’s not that. I’m actually going to be moving to Syracuse in a few weeks. I’ve accepted a job there.”

The other end of the line is silent.

“You accepted a job in Syracuse? That’s just ridiculous,” he says bitingly.

He’s angry. I can tell in his voice. And he doesn’t have a right to be upset. He’s still married, after all. He’s been lying to me all this time.

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