AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Lovely weather. Was it cool in the cheese factory?’
Shay gave a small snort of laughter and covered it up with a cough. They’d been together for over twenty-five yearsand this was his line in patter. She wouldn’t have fancied his chances on the singles market if they ever divorced.
‘Ambient,’ she answered him. ‘Neither cool nor warm – just nice.’
Bruce nodded, nursing his wine with both hands as he continued basking in the glory of the sun that seemed as though it was treading water in a sea of blue sky.
Shay left it a few minutes before she asked him the big question, which was growing too much to hold in any more.
‘So, are you going to tell me why you got completely hammered last night?’
He opened one eye, looked at her in the manner of someone who thought he’d got away with a crime only to find Columbo at his shoulder.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not stupid, Bruce. You got blotto on purpose.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
‘Yes, you did and you know you did.’
Bruce put his glass down on the table, hard, like a gavel. He was incapable of putting anything anywhere without a clang, a scrape or a bang. ‘No, I was just enjoying being with you, forgetting about work, about the job, about everything outside us’ – he made a rapid to and fro movement with his finger between them – ‘and I haven’t got drunk for so long that I didn’t realise I was tipping over the edge. I used to be able to drink a lot more than that and stay…’
His words died on his lips as he saw that she wasn’t buying it. They’d watched enough crime documentaries between them to know that those who protested too much were trying to deflect the police with overly detailed accounts and too-practised answers.
He swallowed, and his eyes dropped away from hers. Helifted up his glass again and took a long swig from it, and another, then he said very quietly as he bowed his head, ‘I’m sorry.’ He sniffed and drew his fingers under his eyes; she saw a drop of moisture flick through the air, heard him issue a salvo of swear words under his breath, clearly embarrassed by such a show of emotion.
Shay leaned in, any remaining annoyance segueing instantly into concern. This wasn’t like Bruce at all. He was a fully paid-up member of the ‘big boys don’t cry’ club. ‘Bruce, what is it?’
He gave his head a quick vibrato of a shake. ‘I can’t.’
‘Can’t what? What’s the matter, love?’
Bruce lifted his head to check how far away the next people were from them, deduced it was probably far enough.
‘I can’t… you know… get… it up.’ He didn’t leave space for her to comment but carried on. ‘I don’t want to talk about it other than to say I’m going to make an appointment at the doctor’s.’
Shay hadn’t been expecting that at all and she felt awful that he’d been carrying this burden without saying anything. And there she was, presuming he just couldn’t be bothered.
‘Oh Bruce, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.’
‘I thought it was a temporary hiccup,’ said Bruce. ‘What man wants to admit he can’t… do that…’ He shifted in his seat, his discomfort clearly visible.
A sympathetic wave of such magnitude overtook Shay that she was surprised it didn’t physically gush from her and wash Bruce into the ornamental beer barrels in the far corner of the yard. She put her hand on his to comfort him and it was as if her fingers were curled around a hard, unrelenting stone.
‘I’ll sort it, I promise,’ said Bruce, pulling his hand away and picking up his glass with it.
‘I’m glad you told me,’ said Shay. She wished he’d opened up before.
‘I’ve been putting off saying it until I had to. I thought it might sort itself out. I knew you’d want to… you know… for our anniversary. I mean, I want to as well. I even tested out a Viagra but it didn’t work. I just… there was nothing…’
She rescued him from his stuttering. ‘Bruce, it’s fine.’
‘No, it’s not. When a man’s got stuff on his mind it doesn’t… stay only on his mind, that’s the problem.’
‘What’s on your mind?’ Shay asked him, as a cold shiver rippled down her spine. ‘You’re not ill or anything, are you?’
‘No, nothing like that. I think it’s just a mix of work and… getting older. Jabba’s been on my mind a lot recently. Maybe I’m having a mid-life crisis. I’m a bit down, that’s all, don’t worry.’
