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Roberta thought about that for a moment, then nodded. ‘If I must.’
‘Good,’ said Shay. ‘Let’s sit in the kitchen and I’ll make us a big pot of tea.’
‘We were watching a very interesting film, Dagmara and I,’ Roberta said, getting to her feet. ‘Have you seen it?The Hungry Caterpillar.’
Shay had an inward chuckle at that.
‘Yes I have, and it’s revolting. Whatever made you both want to watch that?’
‘I used to love a good horror,’ said Roberta. ‘Your father and I used to go to the cinema all the time when we were courting. The grislier the better for me.’ She gave a trill of laughter. ‘Harry preferred Dracula but he was a bit too tame for me. We used to make a night of it. He’d buy me a quarter pound of chocolates to take in and we’d walk home with fish and chips.’
She was smiling, splashing around in a sea of old memories. Shay smiled too; she liked to hear that her mum and dad had had good times.
‘We had such hopes and dreams when we met. I wanted to open up a private school to teach languages and he was going to head up the biggest plumbing company in the north.’
‘Then you had kids,’ said Shay, sprinkling some frozen chips on a tray and slotting it into the oven.
Roberta’s eyes flicked up rapidly to her daughter and she said quickly, ‘It wasn’t the girls’ fault. Any of it. Something had to give because I couldn’t have it all so I chose what was most important.’
Shay’s heart gave a bounce in her chest, as if it was attempting to leap out and towards her mother to comfort her. She loved her dad but he really hadn’t shouldered his fair share where the family was concerned. When he came in from work, he relaxed. There was no such luxury for his wife, who had to bend her life around her teaching, looking after their children, cleaning, cooking and checking in on her parents. She couldn’t call in to the pub after work and chat up the barmaids, she couldn’t presume that all shehad to do was tip up her wage and the house would run automatically like a well-oiled machine, clothes would be washed, sheets would be changed, bills would be paid. Give or take the barmaids, the template of her parents’ marriage was too familiar.
As if her mother were party to her thoughts she asked, ‘Do you remember when you got married, Shay?’
‘I do indeed.’
‘Not the ceremony, I mean when we were standing outside the church. Just you and me and I asked you if you wanted to get back in the car.’
Shay gave a little laugh. ‘Yes, I remember.’
‘I wish you had.’
‘Mum, what a thing to say.’
‘Don’t get me wrong, I like Bruce, but I never thought he was the man for you.’
‘Well I’m glad I proved you wrong,’ Shay said, buttering some bread.
‘Did you?’ asked Roberta. ‘I wouldn’t have missed you having Courtney and Sunny for anyone, but…’
Thatbuthung in the air like a balloon, fattening with air by the second until Shay popped it with the obvious question.
‘What do you mean “but”?’
‘I was frightened for you, Shay. Frightened that you were marrying someone you didn’t love enough. You were tooprecious.’
‘Precious? Me?’ Shay scoffed.
‘I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything before,’ said Roberta, her grey-blue eyes shining.
‘Why’s that, Mum?’
‘You wouldn’t have met him if I hadn’t got it so wrong.’
Shay was getting more and more baffled by the second.
‘Got what wrong?’
‘You’d have shone. You were so clever at school, on course for university; instead here you are looking after everyone but yourself and I saw all this coming. That’s why I wanted to bundle you into the car and take you home. I’m so sorry, love.’ Roberta’s head fell, as if bowed by the weight of thoughts within it, sad thoughts with a bulk to them.
